Enter the Asylum: Dragon

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The Asylum entered the world of fantasy with Dragon, mostly to compete/confuse with Eragon in 2006 but also to get some of that sweet Lord of the Rings money.

Isn’t there usually a trailer for these things? I tried but there is literally nothing video wise for this movie, probably because nothing happens and if you cut a trailer with just the action, it would probably be less than a minute.

Who’s in this then? The usual rogues gallery of Asylum movies, sans a recognizable, slumming actor.

What’s the plot?: Princess Alora is sent on a mission by her father to get aid from the neighboring Lord Blackthorn to fight the invading dark elves.  Her escort is killed but she is rescued by a pair of knights and they slowly gather a “fellowship” that includes a trio of dragon hunters, a necromancer and a light elf archer and ultimately have to take down a dragon.  They mention a war with Dark Elves but don’t expect any epic battle scenes or castle sieges or anything like that in Dragon.

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Wow, that looks worse than Dragonheart, and that was like a decade earlier: Yeah, you can definitely feel the lack of budget in this one, especially since it takes place entirely in the woods and it’s mostly the characters talking without saying anything relevant.  The dragon shows up at the beginning and then the last ten minutes, as per usual for The Asylum.

So even though it’s a fantasy, there’s sword action? There’s a tiny bit but just like Pirates of Treasure Island, it feels like they are doing the warm up, slow motion setup for the sword fights that will eventually be done at full speed but they filmed them anyway.  There is also some hilariously bad scenes where they are swinging their sword wildly at the CG dragon that brought to mind things like this scene from Birdemic:

What about magic, there’s a necromancer you said? Yeah, but all she does is mention the same things over and over, see visions of the last battle that will clearly be changed by the characters and hit people with blue light that they couldn’t find a free sound FX for.  The only interesting thing about her is that you find out she created the dragon but also somehow the princess is the only one who can kill it.

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How’s the final battle end up?: It’s incredibly lame and the knights wildly swing their swords at air and then the princess stabs the dragon in the heart with a spear.  The dark elves also attack for no reason until the princess raises the spear and blasts blue light on them that turns them good.

Should anyone watch this? Probably not.  It’s one of the most boring fantasy movies I’ve ever seen and it feels like some D&D nerd wanted to flex is English degree with a campaign that is all terrible dialogue and none of that “boring” action.  If you name your movie Dragon, maybe the dragon should be in it for more than five minutes, just a thought.  People give shit to movies like Reign of Fire but at least things are happening in that movie and it’s so dumb that it’s fun.  This is just a snoozefest of the highest order.

Next Time: The Asylum finally earns their “Mockbuster” title and takes things to the next level with Transmorphers.

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