The Sitter

Starring: Jonah Hill, Sam Rockwell, Ari Graynor, Max Records, Landry Bender, Kevin Hernandez

Directed by: David Gordon Green

Plot: A 20 something slacker takes a job babysitting a trio of crazy kids and ends up getting chased around NYC with the kids by a crazy drug dealer after attempting to get some cocaine for his girlfriend.

Rotten Tomatoes Freshness: 22%

Critic Consensus: “With its recycled plot, misguided gags, and formula performance from Jonah Hill, The Sitter adds up to another disappointing entry from director David Gordon Green”

New Year’s Eve

Starring: Look at the poster above

Directed by: Garry Marshall

Plot: Various New York City residents have, mostly, romantic misadventures on New Year’s Eve.

RT Freshness: 5%

Critic Consensus: “Shallow, sappy, and dull, New Year’s Eve assembles a star-studded cast for no discernible purpose”

This week on Musical Montage we’re highlighting a very special scene from the 80′s “classic” Teen Witch.  Teen Witch follows the misadventures of 16 year old Louise Miller, who discovers that she’s the reincarnated witch and her powers will soon begin to develop.  Louise uses her new powers to do a variety of things including getting revenge on the evil cheerleaders at her school and getting the hottest guy in school to fall in love with her but her greatest use of magic is to help her nerdy friend Polly introduce herself to the object of her affection by mind controlling her into engaging him in a rap battle.  It’s either the greatest or worst thing to ever happen to rap and you can check out the whole amazing scene below.

DVD commentary can offer insight into a production, provide off the cuff laughs, explain theories and thought processes but only Arnold Schwarzenegger’s commentaries provide a public service by explaining exactly what is happening in every scene to eliminate any confusion.  The highlights of his commentary for Total Recall has been making the rounds of the internet today but there’s also a video highlighting his Conan the Barbarian commentary with director John Milius as well.  Check out both of them below.

The Everything Actioncast has been on the internet airwaves for one year now and to celebrate we’re giving away a bunch of movie posters. Up for grabs are the real deal, double sided movies posters for movies ranging from How To Train Your Dragon to Faster to True Grit and the grand prize winner will win two posters of their choosing along with an enormous bus shelter poster for The Social Network in the design above. You can enter three different ways and each one gives you an entry into the contest. First, you can go to our Facebook group and become a member.  Second way to enter is to follow Everything Action on Twitter. And lastly, you can head over to the iTunes page for the Everything Actioncast and leave us a rating and review. It’s that easy and we’ll give you the entire month of April to enter.

A couple of cool new entries in the “supercut” genre of viral video hit the web today.  The first is an arty montage of some of cinema’s greatest spoilers broken up into a couple of different segments like deaths, romances, endings, etc.  It’s got great editing and music choices, so check it out below:

The other video (and my favorite of the two) is this supercut of 80 “titular lines” or lines where a character will say the name of the movie in the movie. It’s got a great mix of classic movies and more recent favorites.

From the guys that made all the other brilliant action movie musicals comes the final one featuring Arnold, Predator: The Musical.   Arnold and cast sing the rousing number “If It Bleeds, We Can Kill It” as they prepare for their final confrontation with the Predator.  As always the Arnold voice is spot on and hilarious and I also love the Carl Weathers voice as well.  Check out the video below.

It’s been a year since Jack Bauer saved America for the last time (at least until a movie gets made) and with it’s absence there’s been an open space on television for an action show with a very special set of characteristics like a bad ass main character, ridiculous technology, increasingly ridiculous plot points, constant action and unnecessary character subplots.  I got to thinking if there’s any show that lives up to some, if not all, those characteristics and the result may surprise you.

Before I get to the show I think best fills the void left by 24, let’s talk about some of the shows I looked at but decided, for one reason or another, aren’t quite the 24 successor.  Fox seemingly had an action show all set to go with last year’s debut of Human Target.  Mark Valley was a fun, ass kicking hero and he had support in the form of Chi McBride and Jackie Earle Haley.  During the first season the show featured some great action in a variety of exotic locations like a monastery and a bullet train.  It was much more formulaic and straight forward then 24′s labyrinthine government conspiracies though but in terms of taking up the action baton, it seemed ready to go.  Then season two started and my hopes were shattered when they introduced two of the most annoying characters in television history and lost pretty much all the charm and excitement they built from the first season.  Instead of going to say, the Alaskan wilderness, now the most exciting place the crew went was generic office building or Mexican town.  So, scratch that off the list.

In terms of competing with the bad assness of Jack Bauer, I think currently Raylan Givens of Justified is our current BAMF.  Raylan is much more layed back than Jack however and, lucky for him, the ladies he sees usually don’t end up dead or insane.  Ultimately, I think Justified might be too good to be the next 24, as it features brilliant writing, acting and sane, fantastically paced plots.  As much we love 24 here at Everything Action, there were times when it was almost daring us to keep watching by focusing on terrible characters and subplots, (last year’s stupid Dana subplot, Kim’s adventures in babysitting during season two and all of season six for instance)

One last show I considered was Burn Notice and it definitely features 24′s love of crazy government conspiracies and Michael Westen could probably give Jack a run for his money but I think, due to it’s nature, it’s too formulaic (there’s always an over arching plot but the meat of the show is the “client of the week”) and the Burn Notice gang, for the best, doesn’t have any unnecessary character subplots and they rely less on technology and more on crafty spy knowledge and conning people.

Ultimately, the show that I think best encapsulates most of the things that made 24, 24 is…*drum roll* Hawaii Five-0.

If you’re freaking out, please keep in mind that I’m not saying that 5-0 is better than 24, I’m just saying that 5-0 has the same specific lovable ridiculousness that we loved about 24.  Speaking of ridiculous, 5-0, although a procedural, has both crazy episode plots and an increasingly insane over arching plot.  Past episodes have included the 5-0 team trying to catch a group of bank robbing tri-athletes, an evil Irish terrorist running amok and a surfing company CEO getting killed while catching a wave.  Similar to 24 as well is the increasing character subplots such as McGarrett’s trouble making sister, Danno’s constant attempts to gain more time with his daughter and Chen’s getting kicked off the force for corruption accusations and his recently introduced ex-wife (coincidentally played by 24 alum Reiko Aylesworth) Along with those, there’s the overarching plot of Steve McGarrett trying to figure out why his father was killed and what case he was working on, the evidence of which is stored in an old toolbox.  Recently we’ve learned *spoilers* that the Japanese Yakuza is involved and were probably responsible for blowing up McGarrett’s mother in a car bomb.  There’s also one, if not many corrupt cops on the Honolulu PD, does that sound like a certain Counter Terrorist Unit to anyone else?

Speaking of CTU, the Five-0 task force seems to have the same amount of vague power as they are able to commandeer any investigation and are able to solve cases through any means necessary.  Five-0 also shares CTU’s love of unrealistic, seemingly magical, computer technology.  In Five-0′s massive headquarters, for only four people, they have a massive touch screen computer that the group is able to “toss” images and files off of onto their numerous hanging monitors.   McGarrett also frequently gets help from his sexy Navy friend, who manages to Chloe such things as using Navy satellites to track suspects, isolating a specific radio frequency on the island and find out where it’s broadcasting from and hacking into a phones to get conversations.

Living up to Jack Bauer is a tall order for anyone and, while Steve McGarrett would probably last 2 minutes against Jack, he’s still an OK substitute.  He definitely shares Jack’s taste for over the top questioning methods.  Steve has hung a guy off a roof by his ankles, dropped a guy into a shark cage and tied a guy to the hood of his car.  Steve also shares Jack’s lack of humor and his sense of intensity and urgentness.

Finally, Hawaii Five-0 definitely shares 24′s sense of action, as there’s not an episode that doesn’t involve at least one shootout and/or car chase.  The pilot kicked off the series action sensibilities with a fantastic sequence that involved Steve McGarrett’s Navy convoy getting attacked by an attack helicopter and that episode ending with Steve and Danno storming a ship to stop the evil Irish terrorist who killed Steve’s father.  Time will tell however if there will ever be such memorable sequences as Jack’s attack of Victor Drazen at the end of Season One, Jack’s attack on Logan in Season Eight or the rescue of Secretary of Defense Heller in Season Four.

Hawaii Five-0 is the show that best lives up to 24′s legacy of great TV action combined with wonderfully ridiculous plots, magical technology and characters that are able to do whatever they want with little to no ramifications.  Agree or disagree?  Let me know your thoughts.

(Source: CarInsurance.org)

Brian’s Picks

10. Due Date

9.  Despicable Me

8. Shutter Island

7. Tron: Legacy

6. The Town

5. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

4. Iron Man 2

3. Toy Story 3

2. The Expendables

1. Inception

Joe’s Picks

10. Jonah Hex (Editor’s Note: Is this due to the medication Joe or did you only see 10 movies all year ?)

9. The Book of Eli

8. Get Him to the Greek

7. Shutter Island

6. Faster

5. Inception

4. Toy Story 3

3. Iron Man 2

2. The Expendables

1. The A-Team

Chris’ Picks

10. Devil

9. Jackass 3D

8. The Other Guys

7. Hot Tub Time Machine

6. The Expendables

5. Machete

4. Inception

3. Toy Story 3

2. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

1. Iron Man 2

Zach’s List

10. Iron Man 2

9. Tron: Legacy

8. The A-Team

7. How to Train Your Dragon

6. Kick Ass

5. Toy Story 3

4. The Social Network

3. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

2. The Expendables

1. Inception

Best Soundtrack: Scott Pilgrim vs The World

Best Score: Tron: Legacy

Best Cameo: Bruce Willis/Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Expendables

Best New TV Show: The Walking Dead

MIA Award: The Red Dawn Remake

Best Exaggeration of Real Life Events: Unstoppable

Best Titular Line: Faster

Best Use of 3D: Jackass 3D

Most Realistic Use of Computers: The Social Network

Wicked Awesome (aka Best Boston Accents Award) Award: The Town

Mind Fuck of the Year: Inception

Best Erasing of Past Movies: Predators pretending Predators 2 never happened

Most Horrifying Moment: The Toy Story gang almost burning in an incinerator

Best Commercial for China: The Karate Kid

Best Team of Covert Operatives/Mercenaries: The Expendables

Just Getting to the Good Part Award: Robin Hood

Best Comic Book Movie: Scott Pilgrim vs The World

Biggest Plot Holes: Clash of the Titans

Warmed Our Cold Hearts Award: Toy Story 3

Best Time Travel Device: Hot Tub Time Machine

The “That’s Enough Tim Burton” Award: Alice in Wonderland

Best Buddy Cops: The Other Guys

M. Night Shymalan  “What a Twist!” Award: Shutter Island

Road to Recovery Award: Nicolas Cage

Good Timing Award: Edge of Darkness, coming out a few months before Mel’s implosion

Steven Seagal Direct to DVD Award: The Killing Machine

Lincoln Hawks Memorial Over the Top Award: The A-Team

Ass Kicker of the Year: The Expendables

Movie of the Year: The Expendables

Warner Bros. has been working on a bunch of CG Looney Tunes cartoons to debut before some of their movies and the first, “Coyote Falls”, has been released online after getting released this summer.  In classic Road Runner fashion, Wile. E Coyote has come up with another foolproof plan to catch the Road Runner by bungee jumping but, of course, things go horribly wrong.  I really like the look and it’s got all the classic humor you expect from Looney Tunes.  Check it out below.

The latest action movie turned musical by Jon and Al Kaplan is our beloved Commando, and it might be their most brilliant video to date.  Arnold sings the heartwarming song “Jenny and Me”, which pretty much sums up the whole movie in 3 minutes.  I love the fact that they integrated Commando’s steel drum flavored score into the song and also that Bennett sounds like he’s from Sweeney Todd or something.  Check it out below.

I stumbled onto this amazing mixtape thanks to screened.com today, prepare to have your mind blown.  This is 40 minutes of non-stop 80′s training/montage/fight music from such classics as Kickboxer, Bloodsport, The Karate Kid, Transformers and more, all seamlessly transitioning into each other.  Give it a listen below and then go out and kick some bully ass or win that big karate tournament.

Blood Bros: First Blood by maddecent

Everything is Terrible is back with another of their fantastic 3 Minute Movie videos.  This time they excavated the horrible futuristic/apocalyptic action movie 2020 Texas Gladiators.  The thing I keep flashing back to while watching this is the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode “Warriors of the Lost World”.  As near as I can tell, a group of rebels in Texas are trying to overthrow the evil, technologically superior dictator and get help from some friendly Native Americans.  Check out all the horribleness below.

Finally, the brilliance of Chris Klein’s performance in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li has been condensed into a single amazing video.  Everything the master thespian says is here for your perusal/study and I’ll think you’ll agree with me that, after watching this, Klein was robbed during whatever award season corresponded to when Street Fighter came out.

Everything Chris Klein Says in “The Legend of Chun Li” from Jeff Rubin on Vimeo.

As we’ve mentioned before, Star Wars has been one of the best breeding grounds for fan films and one making the rounds this week on the internet is the fantastic animated short “The Solo Adventures”.  Taking place shortly before A New Hope, the short fills in the details of what happened to the cargo that Han Solo lost which resulted in Jabba the Hutt putting a bounty on his head.  There’s fantastic voice work in the short as well from John Armstrong, who actually played Indiana Jones in the recent Wii game.  Check it out below and there’s also a 3D version on Vimeo.

Red Letter Media, who brought us fantastic reviews/eviscerations of The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones are back with Mr. Plinkett’s review of JJ Abrams review of Star Trek.  It’s definitely the most positive review I’ve seen from them so far but Plinkett still has his usual, incredibly insightful, criticisms about not just the movie but the Star Trek franchise and the current state of movies in general.  It’s also full of their usual incredibly dark humor.  Check out both parts below (the whole review is about an hour long).

Everything is Terrible and the Alamo Drafthouse are teaming up to show the world “Miami Connection”, a movie that looks like it’s awesomely bad in every possible way.  As the trailer below shows, EIT claims that this movie has something for everyone including, “Neck Gore, Pizza Parties and Epic Letter Openings”.  Check it out below.

Alamo Drafthouse: MIAMI CONNECTION Saturday from Hadrian Belove on Vimeo.

Everyone loves Mickey Mouse but it’s been a while since he’s done anything exciting.  Well, this fall Mickey is back and battling his way through a dark alternate universe in Epic Mickey on the Wii.  After accidentally destroying a wizard’s model with magic ink, many years later Mickey is pulled into the wasteland that resulted by the evil Phantom Blot and must deal with his forgotten predecessor, Oswald the Rabbit.  Wielding a magic paintbrush armed with ink and paint thinner, Mickey will have to battle his way home.  The opening cinematic was released yesterday and you can check it out below.  I wish there was a PS3/360 version because it looks awesome.

What happens when someone watches the volleyball scene from Top Gun and thinks, “We should base a whole movie on this!”  You get the 1986 relic Spiker, recently unearthed by Everything is Terrible.  When a hot shot beach volleyball player is recruited for some sort of all star team, he learns that his cool moves and attitude won’t get him anywhere in the serious world of real volleyball.  Check out the highlights below.