5. Ray Parker Jr.’s “Ghostbusters” Music Video

The video for Ray Parker Jr.’s theme song is like pure concentrated 80′s being shoved into your eyeballs.  Parker Jr. is hanging out in a house where everything is covered in neon lights, he’s kind of harassing a young woman and random people jump out and yell “Ghostbusters” whenever he asks his pivotal question of “Who ya gonna call?”.  The highlight of the video is near the end as Parker Jr. actually joins the Ghostbusters for a stroll through Times Square.  If that wasn’t enough random 80′s celebrities start popping up to yell “Ghostbusters” culminating in Chevy Chase, which is something you don’t hear every day.

4. Ghostbusters II

There’s a lot of hate out there for a number of 80′s sequels including Back to the Future 2 and this one.  Is it as good as the first? No, but then again what can be?  This one has it’s own charms including bad guy Vigo the Carpathian and his brainwashed henchman Dr. Janosz Poha, played by a scene stealing Peter MacNicol.  Also, they make the Statue of Liberty walk and control it with a NES Advantage.  It is kind of a bummer that they resort to slime guns instead of the trusty proton packs but the original cast is back and it’s still a fun movie.

3. Ghostbusters Toys

There’s probably not a kid out there who didn’t see Ghostbusters and instantly want a Proton Pack.  With the release of the series “The Real Ghostbusters” (which we’ll get to) there came a number of great toys, including replica Proton Packs, Ghost Traps and PKE meters.  There was also a great figure line that included all the Ghostbusters and a number of clever ghosts, including seemingly normal looking people who transformed into hellish demons.  One question though: Where is my Tobin’s Spirit Guide?

2. Ecto Cooler

Not until Surge had a drink developed such a fervent fan base as Ecto Cooler.  An essential in lunch boxes across the world during the late 80′s, early 90′s, Slimer’s drink of choice was a delicious citrus flavored, green tinted drink that was most easily found in juice box form.  The drink was originally just supposed to be a tie in product for The Real Ghostbusters but exploded in sales and lasted with Slimer on the package till 1997.  The drink itself remained Ecto Cooler until 2001 when it was renamed Shoutin Orange Tangerine and in 2006 renamed again to Crazy Citrus Cooler.  In 2007 the drink was finally discontinued but many fans still hold out hope of it being brought back someday.

1. The Real Ghostbusters

Started in 1986 and running until 1991, the Real Ghostbusters was a fantastic cartoon series that continued the adventures of Ray, Peter, Egon and Winston. To avoid legal trouble with Filmation’s Ghostbusters the “Real” was added to the title.  Slimer joined the gang as their sort of mascot/pet as they battled new ghosts every week, including tons from mythology like The Boogeyman, Tiamat, Marduk and even Cthulhu.  The show also featured a great voice cast including Arsenio Hall, Lorenzo Music, Dave Coulier and voice acting greats Maurice LaMarche and Frank Welker.  The show also had a number of smart writers, including future Babylon 5 and comic scribe J. Michael Straczynski, who wrote some of the smartest and darkest episodes in the series.

5. The Terminator- Police Station Shootout

Arnold shows us what an unstoppable killing machine he is as he attempts to kill Sarah Connor at the local police station.  Not even the bad assery of Lance Henriksen can stop Arnold’s rampage but fortunately Michael Biehn is there to rescue her.

4. The Rock- Shower Room

Michael Bay’s magnum opus has one of the most epic shootouts in action movies.  The Navy SEAL team led by Michael Biehn is attempting to catch the renegade Marines off guard on Alcatraz Island.  Unfortunately for them John C. McGinley brought an unknown tumbler device that warns the Marines of their approach.  After a tense standoff one of the Marines dislodges some debris and firefight ensues.  The SEALs are slaughtered and it’s up to Nic Cage and Sean Connery to continue the mission by themselves.  The music and slow motion are what make this scene so awesome.

3. The Matrix- Lobby Shootout

You know it, you love it, I don’t know what I can add to everything that’s already  been said about this scene.

2. Hard Boiled- Tea House

Chow Yun Fat shows us why he’s the god of guns and John Woo shows us why he is an action master with this opening scene from Hard Boiled.  Not even five minutes into the movie and there’s an explosion of bullets and bodies as Inspector Tequila attempts to stop a group of arms smugglers.  Amazing choreography and things just get bigger and bigger as the movie goes on.

1. Heat- Bank Robbery

We heaped praise on it during the podcast but let me just reiterate that this is argueably the best shootout in movie history.  The deafening sound of the guns and lack of music completely immerse you in the scene.  Plus you have Val Kilmer, Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino all acting like bad asses.

Probably the funnest thing about Bond movies is all the crazy gadgets that James gets from the constantly unamused Q.  Here are 5 of our favorites.

5. Alligator from Octopussy

Bond has to sneak his way onto the female-only island run by the mysterious Octopussy.  Not content to simply use something as pedestrian as a submarine or scuba gear, Bond uses a mechanical alligator to get him both to the island and off of it.  Not sure I would want to be in it when it does a death roll however.

4. Laser Watch from Goldeneye

A simple, yet effective gadget that proves to be a lifesaver for Bond when he has to cut through the floor of an armored train with a bomb set to go off any minute.  The watch is also good as a decoy later on when 006 believes it’s used as a detonator but  learns that the pen is mightier than the laser watch.

3. Briefcase from From Russia with Love

The first official gadget from Q Branch, the briefcase from From Russia With Love is filled with all kinds of suprises.  It has a tear gas canister that detonates if the briefcase is opened wrong, a hidden rifle, two rolls of gold coins, extra ammo and a throwing knife.  Bond is able to trick assassin Red Grant into opening the case wrong and then defeats him after a brutal fight.

2. Little Nellie from You Only Live Twice

The Wallis WA-6 Gryocopter aka Little Nellie is an awesome little vehicle that is fast and has a ton of firepower.  Bond uses her to try to find a Spectre base somewhere off the coast of Japan.  He gets ambushed by a group of helicopters and has to use all the weapons in Little Nellie’s arsenal including rockets, air mines, flame throwers and machine guns.

1. Lotus Esprit from The Spy Who Loved Me

Although I’m partial to the Aston Martin the Lotus is definetely the most gadgety car in Bond history.  It carries an ink blaster, missiles, torpedoes and machine guns but the coolest part is that it’s also a fully functional submarine.  This proves useful as Bond and Russian spy Triple X are trying to stop maniac Stromberg from starting a nuclear war from his underwater base.

Time Travel, one of the most interesting concepts in fiction.  Having the ability to go forward or backward in time to experience things beyond your years, or prevent something terrible from happening.  However, it takes a certain person to be able to travel through time.  Here our five favorite.

5. Frank Parker

The dark horse pick this week is Chrononaut Frank Parker from Seven Days.  Played by Jonathan LaPaglia, Frank was recruited by a secret NSA project called Backstep which developed a time machine from the crashed alien spacecraft from Area 51.  Whenever something terrible happened that effected national security Frank was sent back in the sphere 7 days in the past to prevent it from happening.  For three seasons Frank had to deal with terrorists, aliens, wierd time glitches and other wierdness along with resident d-bag Nathan Ramsey.

4. Max Walker

There’s only one man that I know of who is able to actually police time and that’s Max Walker aka Jean Claude Van Damme.  With his sweet mullet and rocket propelled time machine (that mysteriously disappears during travel), Walker is able to stop people from messing with the future as we know it.  Mostly this involves people trying to get rich, like smarmy asshole Senator McComb.  McComb learns the hard way not to mess with time travel as he and his past self are turned to goo because “the same matter cannot exisit in the same spot at the same time.”  Walker, meanwhile, is able to save his wife and create a brighter future for everyone.

3. T-101

Sent back three times, the first to try to kill Sarah Connor and the other two to protect her son, the T-101 is definitely one of the most bad-ass time travelers.  Terminator style time travel has some downsides like having to arrive naked and unarmed and not being able to return to the future.  Arnold makes the most of it however by learning some rad 90′s phrases and kicking all kinds of ass. Oh, props to Kyle Reese as well for being the only actual human from the Terminatorverse to go back in time.

2. Bill and Ted

Bill and Ted understand what time travel should be, completely non heinous and a most excellent adventure.  Due to them being the saviors of the future, George Carlin’s Rufus journeys back in time to help the dudes get an A on their history reports.  The guys accomplish this by borrowing important historical figures and getting their takes on late 80′s San Dimas, CA.  Hijinks ensue, Extreme is played and the guys ace their report with a stage show worthy of Van Halen.  Amazing what an old phone booth can do.

1.  Marty McFly and Doc Brown

Like Doc said, “If you’re going to build a time machine you might as well do it in style”.  And so was born the coolest time machine ever, the Delorean.  Running on plutonium to begin with the Delorean is soon equipped with a “Mr. Fusion” energy converter and hover technology.  These two have probably screwed up and saved time so many times we’ve lost count.  They’ve been to the 50′s, the future and the wild west and even an alternate version of the present.  The Doc even made a time machine out of a Steam locomotive.  If there was a time traveler’s hall of fame these two would be the first inductees.

Chris Farley will easily go down as one of the top SNL cast members of all time since he’s given us such hilarious sketches and characters.  Here are our picks for his five best.

5. Herlihy Boy House Sitting Service

While Farley and Spade may have been the dynamic duo of the big screen, Farley and Sandler were an awesome pair on the small screen. They had a number of great sketches, including the Zagat’s couple, but this one is underrated and completely hilarious. Sandler plays the Herlihy Boy, a house sitter who gets more needy and desperate as the sketch goes on. Farley plays, possibly, his father and gets more and more pissed off as the sketch goes on, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET THE BOY SLEEP IN YOUR BED!”

4. Chippendales

Swayze, Farley, “Working for the Weekend”, what else is there to say?

3. Bennett Brauer

He may not have been “the norm” or “camera friendly” but Bennet Brauer was “hilarious”. Almost every cast member had some weekend update segment or character and Chris Farley brought his angry, quote happy, commentator Bennet Brauer to the ring to talk about, well, I’m not really sure if he ever had a point.

2. The Chris Farley Show

Remember that time Chris Farley had his own show? Yeah, that was awesome. According to the cast this was the closest to the real Chris Farly, a sweet and nervous guy who was always humbled by the stars who came through. On this episode Chris talks to Jeff Daniels about some of his movies like Something Wild and Purple Rose of Cairo.

1. Matt Foley: Motivational Speaker

The ultimate showcase of Chris Farly’s genius physical comedy was Matt Foley, the world’s worst motivational speaker. Getting jacked up on coffee before a presentation, Foley would talk about how much his life sucked including “living in a van down by the river.” God forbid there was any furniture in the area because it would probably be destroyed soon after the speech started. Although there were a few sketches with Foley, nothing beats the first time where Foley has to straighten out some pot smoking teens.

We all know that Patrick Swayze is an ass kicker from movies like Road House, Point Break and Red Dawn but, unlike conventional action stars, Swayze manages to inject his movies with valuable advice and zen wisdom.  Here are five of his greatest lessons.

5. “Be Nice”

4. “Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true.”

3. “Nobody ever wins a fight”

2. “If you want the ultimate, you’ve got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It’s not tragic to die doing what you love.”

1. “Pain don’t hurt”

Anyone can throw together a good gun fight but a good knife fight is something different.  It takes choregraphy and lots of skill.  In honor of Cobra’s Night Slasher and his ridiculous knife we’re going to countdown what we think are the top 5 knife fights.

5. Timecop

Timecop’s fight starts out with Van Damme (and his fantastic mullet) getting awakened by the late Ron Silver’s goon squad.  One of them is brandishing a couple of crazy looking knives along with a taser.  Van Damme manages to get one of the knives away from the goon and a quick battle begins.  Of course, Van Damme can’t go for very long without kicking someone so the feet start flying near the end.  He then pulls a Jason Bourne and pulls out a towel and uses that to land some kicks to the face.  Eventually a water tank is spilled and the goon is knocked to the ground.  The other goon manages to get the taser and fires it at the water to electrocute Van Damme.  They didn’t count on Van Damme’s balls of steel however as he executes a full split on the counter and the first goon is the one shocked instead.  Talk about Van Dammage.

4.  Resident Evil 4

This one is cheating just a tad bit as it’s not from a movie, it’s from a video game.  It’s still one of the most awesome knife fights I’ve ever seen though.  Ex-Raccoon City officer Leon Kennedy is in Spain, working for the secret service to find the President’s kidnapped daughter, Ashley Graham.  Deep in the enemy complex he runs into an old army buddy, Jack Krauser.  It turns out Krauser was the one who kidnapped Ashley in exchange for getting some body enhancements courtesy of the mysterious Las Plagas virus.  An epic knife fight occurs between the two with enough slow motion and flips to give John Woo a hard on.  The tension is raised as you have to press certain buttons when they pop up or Leon is toast.

3. The Hunted

The Hunted gets some bonus points for supposedly having realistic knife fighting tactics used by special forces.  In the movie Benicio Del Toro plays Aaron Hallum, a special forces soldier who snaps and flees into the Pacific Northwest forest.  He then goes on a killing spree, massacring hunters in the area.  The one man who might be able to stop him is the man who trained him, L.T. Bonham, played by Tommy Lee Jones.  After several close calls and chases, the two face off near the base of a waterfall using knives made from resources in the area.  An extremely brutal and realistic knife battle ensues.

2. Under Siege

Tommy Lee Jones shows up again, this time playing the evil Strannix facing off against Steven Seagal’s Casey Ryback.  After taking back most of the hijacked USS Missouri (and blowing up Gary Busey), Casey sets out to find Strannix and stop him from lauching nukes at Hawaii.  After a little back and forth about how America may or not fuck people over a ridiculous (and pretty one sided) knife fight takes place between the two. Casey manages to cut or stab Strannix about 4 or 5 times while the best Strannix can do is give Casey a little cut above the eyebrow.  Casey overpowers Strannix, pokes one of his eyes out and then stabs him straight through the skull before shoving him into a console.  To add the cherry to top of the fight sundae Casey drops the one liner, “Keep the faith Strannix”.

1. Commando

If you didn’t see this coming then welcome to the site for the first time.  How can it possibly get any better than the final battle between John Matrix and Bennett?  It starts out with Matrix saying, “Let’s Party!” and Bennett possibly jizzing in his pants over the though of stabbing Matrix with a knife.  The two then battle it out using not just their knives but steel furnace doors, pipes, electrical fences and more.  Eventually, when it becomes clear that Bennett is no match for the killing machine that is John Matrix, Bennett pulls out an Uzi and remarks that he’s going to shoot Matrix in the balls.  Matrix answers this by ripping a steam pipe off the wall and throwing it through Bennett’s torso.  Steam continues to pour out of it and Matrix blesses us with the classic line “Let off some steam, Bennett”.  He is then reunited with his daughter Alyssa Milano and heads off into the sunset with her and Rae Dawn Chong.

*BONUS*  How to win a real life knife fight with Mark “Animal” MacYoung

Batman has fought a lot of villains over the years.  But, for every Joker or Two-Face there’s someone who is less threatening or effective.  Here are 5 of the most ridiculous villains ever to cross paths with the Dark Knight.

5. Calendar Man

Calendar Man could be an effective villain except for one problem; he only commits crimes on holidays.  Yes, when Thanksgiving or Christmas comes around Batman knows that Calendar Man is probably up to something.  CM mostly spends his days in Arkham Asylum, acting insane and covering his walls with calendars.  He does sort of help Batman during The Long Halloween when someone similar to him, the Holiday killer, is on the loose so I guess that’s something.

4. Batzarro

The Waluigi of DC Comics, Batzarro comes from the same world as Bizarro, who he’s kind of a rip off of.  Aside from his terrible name he talks backward, has no eyes and terrible teeth.  His alter ego is Wayne Bruce and he eventually gets killed by the Joker, who also created him.

3. Mad Hatter

When I think of Alice in Wonderland I usually think of that damn Cheshire Cat and copious amounts of acid.   I’m not sure what Jervis Tetch was smoking when he decided to become a criminal but it must have messed him up pretty good.  He started dressing up as the Mad Hatter from Alice and went on a hat related crime spree.  He uses hats to mind control people, which are probably not the most effective weapons.  Well, unless you’re Odd Job.  In his down time Jervis likes to have tea party’s and rhyme, frightening.

2. Clock King

Batman villains have all sorts of special powers and skills.  Clock King aka Temple Fugate’s skill is being really punctual.  That’s probably not so much a villain skill as it is OCD.  After losing an important court case because he took some bad advice from the future mayor of Gotham to relax, Fugate goes overboard on the clock theme and starts a plan of revenge against the mayor.  Of course, Batman is there to save the day and defeats Clock King in, where else?, a clock tower.

1. Scarface and The Ventriliquist

Does it get anymore ridiculous than a dummy who’s a crime boss.  Scarface is a ventriliquist dummy who is based on Al Capone and carries a little tommy gun around and generally acts like it’s the 1920′s.  He’s also a split personality of his puppeteer, Arnold Wesker.  He also can’t say B’s, he pronunces them with G’s.  A nerdy puppeteer with a speech impediment and a wooden dummy are a major threat to Batman?  C’mon!

]]> http://www.everythingaction.com/2009/03/19/top-5-most-ridiculous-batman-villains/feed/ 0 http://www.everythingaction.com/2009/02/26/top-5-most-bad-ass-kurt-russell-characters/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=top-5-most-bad-ass-kurt-russell-characters http://www.everythingaction.com/2009/02/26/top-5-most-bad-ass-kurt-russell-characters/#comments Thu, 26 Feb 2009 05:36:24 +0000 Zach http://www.kickassmoviepodcast.com/?p=653

Kurt Russell might be known now for more more family friendly movies but in the 80′s and 90′s he had one kick ass character after another.  Today we honor the 5 most bad ass.

5. Gabe Cash

Give Cash credit for surviving an assassin and one of the world’s most unfriendly jails but he’s not higher because he had help from a certain Mr. Stallone.  Cash is the maverick of the duo while Tango is the by the books guy.  After being a thorn in Jack Palance’s side the two are sent to jail for allegedly killing a federal agent.  They escape and eventually simultaneously shoot Palance in the head.

4. Wyatt Earp

First off, mustaches don’t get much more bad ass than that.  Wyatt Earp is a legendary lawman of the wild west and in Tombstone, as played by Russell, he had to take on The Cowboys led by the terrible team up of Michael Biehn and Powers Boothe.  Fortunately he had his brothers and Doc Holliday with him and engaged in all sorts of bad assery like beating the shit out of Billy Bob Thorton’s crooked card dealer, engaging in the shoot out at the OK Corral and eventually going on a killing spree against The Cowboys.  Wyatt Earp is so bad ass in this movie he can wade across a river, wide open to bullets, and not be shot (even though there are about 5 guys shooting at him).

3. Jack Burton

Jack Burton is a wise ass as well as a bad ass.  Street smart from all his time driving the Pork Chop Express, Jack is unprepared for the weirdness happening in Chinatown.  He adjusts quickly however and is soon fighting off the demonic David Lo Pan and his mystical bodyguards Thunder, Lightning and Rain.  Jack is a unique action hero in that he prefers knives over guns.  This preference pays off when he impales Lo Pan in the head in one of the sweetest moves in movie history.  I just wonder what he did with that hitchhiking monster?

2. Stuntman Mike

Stuntman Mike is basically Freddy Krueger in a muscle car.  A serial killer, Mike got his kicks by targeting groups of girls and killing them by causing horrendous auto accidents.  He survives because he made his car “death proof” or reinforcing the chasis and adding other safety features.  He’s actually diabollically clever because the first group we see him target are getting drunk at a bar and after he kills them the cops assume it’s their fault since they were under the influence.  Unfortunately for Mike the next group he targets are the Charlie’s Angelsesque trio of Tracie Thoms, Zoe Bell and Rosario Dawson who, after surviving a harrowing chase, chase down and beat him to death in the ultimate moment of girl power.

1. Snake Plissken

As if you didn’t see this coming.  Snake Plissken is one of the biggest bad asses period.  His name is “Snake” and he has an eye patch for god sakes!  After getting locked away for god knows what he’s brought in to head into the wasteland of New York City to rescue the President.  Snake takes on cannibals, gangs, giant thugs and the Duke of New York to eventually rescue the President and gain his freedom.  Snake also inspired the creation of one of gaming’s biggest heroes in Metal Gear’s Solid Snake.  If you need someone to go into extremely hostile territory there is really only one man to call.

Movies and music are like peanut butter and chocolate so it makes sense when you feature a song in movie to make a music video based on the movie.  Here are 5 of the best movie based music videos.

5. Snakes on a Plane (Bring it)- Snakes on a Plane

I will fully admit that the song is laughably bad but I’m hoping it was intentional like the movie was.  Also how can we not include this when it opens with Samuel L Jackson’s famous quote about some certain reptiles and the man himself shows up in the middle of the video.  Also the chorus includes the line, “I can see the venom in your eyes.” Genius.

4. Iron Eagle (Never Say Die)- Iron Eagle

Moving on to a different kind of snake we have the hairtastic band King Kobra with the title song from Iron Eagle.  The video features the band going into an intense training regime under the hard assed command of Lou Gossett Jr.  The song is classic 80′s but the best part of the video is not even the singing, it’s Lou Gossett berating the band during interludes.  During one interlude one of the band members asks if Gossett Jr. thinks they’re machines and Chappy with responds, “Exactly what you gotta be if you want to fly!”

3. The Dream Warriors- Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors

Every music video should be as epic as this one.  Patricia Arquette reprises her role as Kristen from Elm Street 3 where she lead a band of psychic kids into battle against Freddy Krueger.  Here she’s having a nightmare of entering a creepy house, all the while being stalked by Freddy.  She resuces a little girl but runs into Dokken and is understandably scared.  The little girl turns into a skeleton and Patricia wakes up.  She goes back to sleep and is back in the creepy house.  All of a sudden the entire band bursts out of the walls and through the ceiling.  At first Patricia is scared but is won over by a bitching guitar solo.  Afterwards the band faces the real enemy, Freddy.  Using the pure power of rock they kick Freddy’s ass and just when you think he’s going to be defeated it’s revealed that it was Freddy’s nightmare the entire time.

2.  Ninja Rap- TMNT II: The Secret of the Ooze

Vanilla Ice shows what kind of lyrical prowess he has when he makes up this song on the spot when the Turtles brawl with mutants Toka and Rahzor spills into the nightclub he’s perfoming in.  He also manages to come up with a dance for it as well. The actual scene in the movie featured the Turtles fighting the mutants and such but here it’s almost exclusively the Ice Man.  The Turtles show up to bust some moves, most of the time in slow motion.  There’s also an almost comfortable amount of pelvic thrusts into microphones. Go, Ninja, Go, Ninja, Go!

1. Top Gun Anthem- Top Gun

It’s a tough call between the Top Gun music videos but ultimately Berlin’s video is weird and depressing and Kenny Loggins’ features him in a hotel room with an ungodly amount of five o’clock shadow so it’s kind of disturbing.  What isn’t disturbing is how awesome the video for the Top Gun anthem.  Keyboard master Harold Faltermayer is all business as he drops the sensitive side of the songe while Steve Stevens rocks out looking like a transvestite from the future.  The video opens with some clips from the movie and then the rest of the video takes place in an aircraft hangar (with short clips here and there).  Steve Stevens shows off tons of great guitar moves and he plays half the song with the guitar straight up and down over his head.  He’s also the only person I’ve seen to rock out on the wing of jet.

Vampires have been the source for a lot of great stories since Bram Stoker first wrote Dracula in 1897.  Forget all the recent Twilight emo pussies,  Here are our picks for the top 5 best bloodsuckers.

5. Mr. Burns (Bart Simpson’s Dracula)

In Treehouse of Horror IV, Springfield sees a rash of mysterious deaths.  When Mr. Burns buys the blood bank, Lisa suspects he might be a vampire.  The Simpsons get invited to Burns Manor for dinner and Bart and Lisa find his underground lair.  Lisa escapes but Bart can’t resist using the Super Fun Slide lever and ends up getting turned by Burns.  According to Lost Boy logic if you kill the head vampire all half-vampires turn back to normal so Homer gets to live the American dream and kill his boss (after first destroying his crotch).  However it turns out that everyone but Lisa is a vampire but everyone starts singing “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” so it’s all right.  A classic Simpsons episode when the show was still good.

4. David (The Lost Boys)

I think it’s a rule that we can’t have an episode or blog post without mentioning Keifer Sutherland.  Since we talked about Lost Boys this week I think it’s only fair to include David on our list.  David and his gang terrorize Santa Carla, hang out at the carnival, ride motorcycles, kill Surf Nazis and hang off of railroad bridges.  They also look like big fans of Whitesnake.  Anyway, David gets props for biting someone through the skull to drink their blood, fucking with Jason Patric’s mind and almost killing Corey Haim.  He was eventually killed by a mounted deer head and also wasn’t the head vampire but you’d know that if you listened to the episode (available one post above).

3. The Count

Although his bloodsucking activities are debatable at best (“You’re asking if they’ve ever done a Sesame Street where the Count kills someone and drinks their blood for sustenence?”) many kids learned how to count under his careful tutelage.  Along with his pet bats and vague European accent he would count anything and everything and the world is better for it.  Although I of course have not watched Sesame Street in a long time I hope the Count is still around and not PCed up like the now vegetarian Cookie Monster.

2. Blade

Simple fact: Blade is a bad ass.  A vampire who kills other vampires and is able to walk in the daylight, all while looking as stylish as possible.  He also a crazy assortment of weapons that dispatch vampires in all sorts of gory ways including a chemical that causes them to explode.  Blade kinda fell off after the first two movies what with a terrible TV show and the awful third movie but watch the opening of Blade 1 again and tell me that he isn’t a BAMF.

1. Dracula

The O.G. vampire, Dracula has appeared in many different incarnations over the years.  From the classic Bela Lugosi movie to Christopher Lee to Gary Oldman and tons more Dracula is probably one of the, if not the most, widely used characters ever.  All the blood sucking, bat tranformations, fangs and seducing the ladies all came from this guy.  Although he’s been killed a number of times by stakes, garlic, crosses, etc. he always finds a way to come back, just ask Simon Belmont.

]]> http://www.everythingaction.com/2009/02/12/top-5-vampires/feed/ 0 http://www.everythingaction.com/2009/02/05/top-5-awesomely-cheesy-soundtracks/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=top-5-awesomely-cheesy-soundtracks http://www.everythingaction.com/2009/02/05/top-5-awesomely-cheesy-soundtracks/#comments Thu, 05 Feb 2009 19:39:12 +0000 Zach http://www.kickassmoviepodcast.com/?p=618

Nowadays it seems like soundtracks are whatever 10 bullshit hip hop songs are popular with the tweeners but back in the ’80′s, these albums were full of songs made just for the movie, and it was most non heinous.  From hair metal to Kenny Loggins here’s the top 5 most awesomely cheesy soundtracks.

5.  Footloose

Defining Song: “Footloose” by Kenny Loggins

Footloose follows the tale of Kevin Bacon trying to free a small town from the puritanical reign of John Lithgow with the power of dance.  So, of course, the movie featured a number of songs.  The title track by Kenny Loggins is the most famous but there was also the built for montage track of “I’m Free”, the angry dance classic “Never” by Moving Pictures and “Holding Out For a Hero” by Bonnie Tyler.

4. Back to the Future

Defining Song: “Power of Love” by Huey Lewis and the News

Back to the Future’s soundtrack is 1/3 Huey Lewis, 1/3 Alan Silvestri and 1/3 50′s songs.  Combined that makes one awesome album.  Huey Lewis  contributed “Power of Love” and also “Back in Time” which plays over the end credits and basically sums up the movie again, a sign of a great 80′s movie song.  Also on the album is Alan Silvestri’s classic score which is epic.  Rounding it out you have “Earth Angel” and “Johnny B. Goode” so you can reenact the Enchantment Under the Sea dance.  Johnny B. Goode is the original Chuck Berry version so you don’t have the combination of a laughable cover with terrible lip syching like you do in the movie.

3. Rocky IV

Defining Song: “No Easy Way Out” by Robert Tepper

Rocky IV’s soundtrack is amazing because almost every song is from a montage or montage related scene.  The stand out is of course “No Easy Way Out” by Robert Tepper which is during the introspective “Rock is Sad” montage where he remembers the good times with Apollo and how much he wants to kill Ivan Drago.  Other great songs include “Burning Heart” by Rocky alumni Survivor which is featured in the “Traveling to Russia” scene, “Heart’s On Fire” by John Cafferty which is during the second training montage and James Brown busted out “Living in America” the most ridiculously patriotic song till “America, Fuck Yeah”.  Vince DiCola also contributes a synthtastic score.

2. Top Gun

Defining Song: “Highway to the Danger Zone” by Kenny Loggins

Top Gun is remembered for a lot of things, cool call signs, awesome jet action, underlying homo eroticism and a kick ass soundtrack.  Leading the charge is 80′s soundtrack master Kenny Loggins with Danger Zone which, rightly so, is played any chance the movie can get.  He also contributes “Playing with the Boys” which, combined with the volleyball scene it’s featured in, takes on new levels of meaning today.  Also on the soundtrack are the dynamic duo of Harold Faltermayer and Steve Stevens with the “Top Gun Anthem” which combines piano and guitar to create one of the greatest movie themes ever.  There’s also Berlin’s “Take My Breath Away” and it’s great keyboard track, “You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling” by the Righteous Brothers and (not featured in the movie) Loverboy’s “Heaven in Your Eyes” for the cheesy love song trifecta.

1. Transformers: The Movie

Defining Song: “The Touch” by Stan Bush

Just listen to the artist’s involved on the soundtrack and decide if it’s cheesily awesome or not; Spectre General, Lion, Kick Axe, NRG, Stan Bush, Weird Al and Vince DiCola.  Stan Bush has proven himself to be the master of Transformers related songs and he busted out his first two here with “The Touch” and “Dare”, both amazing.   This movie is also not afraid to utilize it’s soundtrack songs as there is a musical interlude every 5 minutes at least.  Weird Al contributes “Dare to Be Stupid” which people are still scratching their heads about why it’s in the movie.  Kick Axe unleashes some hair metal gems with “Hunger” and “Nothing’s Gonna Stand in Our Way” along with NRG who give us “Instruments of Destruction” (which initated the numerous heart wrenching deaths in the movie).  Vince DiCola once again provide a synth powered score and Lion unleashes the “Transfomers Theme” with the power of 100 hair spray bottles.

Working at a company like Initech would definitely be a drag but the worst that could happen is boredom and possible carpal tunnel.  However, if you work at any of the following companies you might want to invest heavily in the company’s life insurance policy.

5. Oceanic Air

Oceanic Air is an airline that must have been built on an indian burial ground or something because the company is obviously cursed.  Working in PR would be a nightmare as planes are constantly crashing, getting hijacked by terrorists, having biological attacks unleashed on them, etc.   The pilots and flight crews should really be getting some sort of hazard pay, if they survive their trips.

4. INGEN

INGEN doesn’t seem like a bad place to work at first.  Your CEO is like a nice grandpa who likes dinosaurs and you get to be on the cutting edge of DNA manipulation.  It’s great until a Velociraptor disembowels you with its foot or a T-Rex swallow you alive.  Maybe John Hammond should have made Dodos like he mentioned instead.

3. Omni Consumer Products

OCP is your typical futuristic, evil corporation.  They manufacture a wide range of products, so you have variety.  On the other hand, product testing will probably kill you:

If ED-209 doesn’t kill you then Robocop or the collateral damage resulting from him probably will.  Also your boss is literally a “Dick” (Jones)

2. Weyland-Yutani Corp.

Weyland Yutani is in charge of setting up colonies on other planets.  If you work for them you are going to be killed by either an Alien or a Predator or in the rare case both. (Lance Henriksen says hi).  They also seem to have an android problem as they seem to frequently malfunction.  If getting attacked by a face hugger and having your stomach explode seems like fun than by all means get a job at Weyland Yutani, your cocoon is waiting!

1. Umbrella Corporation

What isn’t wrong with Umbrella corporation?  The company single handedly caused multiple zombie outbreaks, unleashed super powered monstrosities like Nemesis onto the world and basically seemed to be a portal to hell.  They created not just one zombie virus but two, have their own kill squads and the executives routinely tried to kill each other.  The only solution to stop the Raccoon City outbreak they caused was to nuke the city so obviously they won’t be winning an enviromental awards.  If you’re looking for a short career in bioengineering look no farther.

]]> http://www.everythingaction.com/2009/01/29/top-5-worst-fictional-companies-to-work-for/feed/ 0 http://www.everythingaction.com/2009/01/22/top-5-buddy-cops/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=top-5-buddy-cops http://www.everythingaction.com/2009/01/22/top-5-buddy-cops/#comments Thu, 22 Jan 2009 19:15:08 +0000 Zach http://www.kickassmoviepodcast.com/?p=595 It’s a long running tradition of action movies that pairs two cops from opposite ends of the spectrum.  At first they don’t get along but they eventually become friends and save the day.  There’s been a ton of great buddy cop partners in film history and here are our top 5.

5. Axel Foley/Billy Rosewood (Beverly Hills Cop)

4.  Carter and Lee (Rush Hour)

3. Nicholas Angel/Danny Butterman (Hot Fuzz)

2. Marcus Burnett/Mike Lowrey (Bad Boys)

1. Murtaugh and Riggs (Lethal Weapon)

Jack Bauer is one hell of a BAMF.  Over six and a half years he’s saved us from nuclear bombs, biological attacks and prevented assassinations and he’s left an impressive trail of bodies in his wake.  Here are 10 of his coolest and/or most important kills on 24.

10. “Commando” Knife Attack

Season: Redemption

Jack is protecting his friend Robert’s school from an attack by the evil General Juma’s troops.  After dispatching a bunch of goons with guns, Jack takes a guy out with a knife around the corner that’s straight out of the John Matrix playbook.  He then proceeds to stalk some guys in the jungle a la Rambo.

9. Christopher Henderson

Season: 5

After evading capture at least 3 times over the course of Day 5 Jack finally corners his former mentor Christopher Henderson on top of a submarine.  Henderson and Jack stopped Vladmir Bierko from using the subs warheads on several US cities.  However, Henderson pulls a gun on Jack after Bierko is stopped.  After a standoff Henderson pulls the trigger only to find that Jack gave him an empty gun.  Jack then takes revenge for David Palmer, Michelle Dessler and Tony Almeida by killing Henderson.

8. Ryan Chappelle

Season: 3

An important kill for Jack as it showed how far he was willing to go to protect the country.  Terrorist Stephen Saunders demands that CTU Director Ryan Chappelle be killed or he will release a deadly virus onto Los Angeles.  After trying to find Saunders up till the last minute and failing Jack has to kill Ryan when Ryan can’t do it himself.  Saunder’s goons then show up in a van and take Ryan’s body.  Chappelle was a douche but he probably didn’t deserve to get killed.

7. Scissors to the neck

Season: 5

After helping defuse a terrorist attack on an airport Jack is brought to CTU for debriefing and medical attention.  Unfortunately the real CTU doc is killed by “Hank” here and Jack is next on the list.  After some intense CQC Hank has Jack in a neck lock but Jack spies some scissors that were knocked onto the ground.  As you can see above Jack proceeds to own Hank.

6. Flare Gun

Season: 2

Jack and co. are transporting Nina back from one of her underworld contacts who supposedly has information on terrorist Syed Ali. Being Jack, nothing can go smoothly and the plane they’re on is hit by a rocket.  Jack and Nina and another agent (who is severely injured) survive the crash.  Some soldiers arrive that Jack initially thinks is help.  When they kill the other agent Jack knows something is up.  The only weapon around is a flare gun from the plane but Jack could kill someone with a marshmallow so of course he kills one of the evil soldiers with the flare.

5. Vampire Bite

Season: 6

Fresh from Chinese prison Jack is turned over to a group of terrorists because Jack killed their leader Abu Fayed’s brother. They plan on torturing and then killing him.  Jack doesn’t take something like that lying down and taps into his dormant “Lost Boy” skills and rips out his guards throat with his teeth.  Unfortunately this was about the high point of season six as it went severly downhill after this.

4. Marshell Goren

Season: 2

At the start of season 2 Jack is in pretty rough shape.  He’s got a hobo beard and his days consist of creepily stalking Kim as she babysits.  Duty calls however when CTU learns that the threat of nuclear bomb is possibly linked to a gang that Jack used to be undercover with.  To gain the current whereabouts of the gang George Mason brings in Marshell Goren.  Goren is a federal witness who is going to testify against the gang leader Eddie Grant.  He’s also a child pornographer and creep.  Jack takes a slightly different approach to questioning and just shoots Goren in the chest.  With George freaking out Jack growls out one of his best lines ever with “I’m gonna need a hacksaw.”

3. A long time coming: Nina

Season: 3

Nina is one of 24′s most notorious villains.  She killed Teri Bauer at the end of Day 1, escaped custody after almost killing Jack in Day 2 and was captured after a shoot out in Mexico in Day 3.  While in questioning Nina fakes a seizure and tries to escape CTU yet again.  With Kim in danger Jack tracks Nina down.  After shooting her to disarm her, Jack stands in front of the security camera to block the view of Nina’s hands and says, “You don’t have anymore useful information do you Nina?”.  He then unloads almost a clip and finally ends their back and forth conflict.

2. The Wall Run Neck Break

Season: 2

Near the end of Day 2 Jack has been killed and brought back to life and is bringing uber bitch Sheri Palmer to meet big bad Peter Kingsley at a sporting arena.  After taking out a bunch with a sniper rifle Jack heads down to grab Sheri and take out Kingsley.  He gets intercepted by one of Kingsley’s goons and they proceed to have some crazy CQC fighting.  They end up in one of the arena’s bleacher entrance ways.  Jack grabs the goon in a headlock and runs along one of the walls and breaks the goons neck in mid-air.  You really need to see it to believe it:

http://www.bauercount.com/assets/clips/season2/bauercount_30.mp4

1. Victor Drazen

Season: 1

It turns out that Day 1 was all an attempt at revenge by Serbian baddie Victor Drazen and his sons to get revenge on Jack and Senator David Palmer for their involvement in Operation: Nightshade, an attempt to kill Drazen for his genocidal acts in Bosnia.  Drazen and his sons want Jack to walk into an ambush at their dockside warehouse and they figure the best way to do this is to have their mole Nina Myers tell Jack that his daughter Kim has been killed by them.  What they should have expected is that this news turns Jack into an unstoppable killing machine.  He rams a van straight into their warehouse and proceeds to rampage through all the goons, killing the Drazen sons and chasing Victor to the docks.  Victor attempts to escape but seeing Jack’s warpath tries to surrender.  Jack is having none of it and proceeds to unload an entire clip and then some into Drazen, who ends up floating in the harbor.  It turns out Kim was fine but god help everyone if something ever happened to her.

(Thanks to www.bauercount.com for the screenshots)

]]> http://www.everythingaction.com/2009/01/15/top-10-jacks-best-kills/feed/ 0 24,awesome kills,Features,jack bauer,top 10,Top 5 Thursday Jack Bauer is one hell of a BAMF.  Over six and a half years he's saved us from nuclear bombs, biological attacks and prevented assassinations and he's left an impressive trail of bodies in his wake.  Here are 10 of his coolest and/or most important ki... Jack Bauer is one hell of a BAMF.  Over six and a half years he's saved us from nuclear bombs, biological attacks and prevented assassinations and he's left an impressive trail of bodies in his wake.  Here are 10 of his coolest and/or most important ki... Everything Action yes http://www.everythingaction.com/2008/12/18/top-5-fictional-government-agencies/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=top-5-fictional-government-agencies http://www.everythingaction.com/2008/12/18/top-5-fictional-government-agencies/#comments Thu, 18 Dec 2008 22:52:37 +0000 Zach http://www.kickassmoviepodcast.com/?p=569 Sometimes the police, or even the FBI or CIA, are not enough to handle things, like for instance if aliens invade.  For times like that you need to call in one of these agencies to come kick ass and take names.

5. CONTROL (Get Smart)

CONTROL is an agency in Washington DC who work to protect us from the evil terrorist group KAOS.  Led by The Chief and Agents 86 and 99, CONTROL has been thwarting KAOS since 60′s.  CONTROL is a closely guarded secret with entrances all over Washington and to get in you need to get through at least 6 doors.  Agents of CONTROL are given a number of gadgets to help fight evil including a shoe phoe and the cone of silence.  CONTROL’s most recent mission has them stopping KAOS leader Siegfried from assassinating the President in Los Angeles and stopping a mole in their organization.  Sounds similar to another organization on the list.

4. Third Echelon

Third Echelon is probably the fictional organization that is most likely to exist.  A sub-branch of the NSA, Third Echelon specializes in intelligence, assassination and other espionage related activites.  They rely on their “Splinter Cells”, lone agents who infiltrate areas undetected.  Their top agent is probably Sam Fisher who has stopped a number of terrorist plots in Georgia, Indonesia and East Asia.  Third Echelon is on the cutting edge of gadgets including micro cameras, various vision modes built into their agents goggles and the SC-20K assault rifle, which fires non lethal stun pads, airfoils and the micro cameras in addition to regular ammunition.

3. BPRD

During World War 2 Rasputin, with the aide of Hitler, tried to use black magic to help defeat the Allies.  Rasputin attempted to open a dimensional rift to unleash ancient creatures called the Ogdru Jahad to destroy the Earth.  He was stopped by a US army force and only one creature came through, an infant demon they called Hellboy.  After the war Dr. Trevor Bruttenholm and Hellboy joined the US’s newly formed Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense.  Their mission is stop any paranormal threats, such as evil Elf princes, evil frogs, demons and anything else that might pop up.  Other agents at the BPRD include the amphibious Abe Sapian, Liz Sherman, who controls fire, and the spirit of Johann Krauss, expert in ectoplasmic phenonemmon and the beleaguered Thomas Manning has replaced Dr. Bruttenholm as director.

2. CTU

CTU, or the Counter Terrorist Agency, would normally be number one but I realized that without Jack Bauer and Chloe O’Brian it is basically one of the most incompetant government agencies ever.  Founded sometime after 9/11, CTU is charged with dealing with all manner of terrorist threats in the United States.  The main office is in Washington D.C. with field offices across the states, even one in Alaska.  The busiest office had to be Los Angeles, which had to deal with at least 6 major terrorist attacks.  However, most of these attacks had to be taken of care of almost single handedly by Jack Bauer as CTU was either being attacked, dealing with a mole or just not listening to Jack.  In the end they’ve stopped an attempt on President David Palmer’s life, a spread of deadly disease and only let two nuclear bombs go off but they’ve still been disbanded by the Senate.

1. S.H.I.E.L.D.

SHIELD or the Strategic Hazard Intevention Espionage Logistics Directorate is a major force in the Marvel universe.  Founded by the United Nations after World War II and headed by Nick Fury, SHIELD helped stop various threats against the Earth including invading Skrull, rampaging super villains and even Godzilla. SHIELD has a huge budget and had advanced weaponry including their flying base the Helicarrier.  After Nick Fury conducted an unauthorized invasion of Latveria he resigned and a number of warrants were out for him.  SHIELD agent Maria Hill was given command until near the end of the Civil War when Tony “Iron Man” Stark was given command since he was in charge of the pro-government side of the conflict.  After the recent Secret Invasion by the Skrull, Tony was on the run and, because a large amount of personnel turned out to be Skrulls, the government reorganizes SHIELD and puts it in command of Norman Osbourne, which would be fine if he wasn’t a) insane and b) The Green Goblin.  So the SHIELD of the regular Marvel universe is kinda screwed but over in the Ultimate universe SHIELD is headed up by basically Samuel L Jackson and they’re in charge of the Avengers aka Ultimates so everything seems cool right now.

Nowadays it seems that the big trend is rappers turned actors but another trend was professional athletes who got into the acting game.  For some it amounted to a gimmick but some have had a lasting legacy on Hollywood.

5. Michael Jordan

Michael Jordan appeared in only one major movie, Space Jam.  However he had the Looney Tunes, Bill Murray, Wayne “Newman” Knight and other ballers like Larry Bird, Charles Barkley and Patrick Ewing to back him up.  Michael has to help the Looney Tunes defeat an army of aliens who want to put them into an intergalactic zoo.  Of course he and the Looney Tunes win and an entirely new generation was introduced to the Tunes.  Thanks Michael!

Rowdy Roddy Piper

Just like Michael Jordan, Roddy Piper has only been in one really memorable movie, They Live.  However, that is one of the most kick ass movies brought to us by director extordinaire John Carpenter.  Roddy Piper plays Nada, a drifter who gets involved in a resistance movement agaisnt alien invaders brainwashing us with subliminal messages.  In the course of this he gets into one of the greatest fight scene ever with Keith David and drops some of the best one liners ever.  Roddy went on to a number of TV roles on shows like Highlander and Walker Texas Ranger.

3. Vinnie Jones

Vinnie Jones is a former soccer (or football to everyone outside the US) player who has become a character actor specializing in “right hard” roles.  He’s been in such films like “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels”, “Snatch”, “Gone in Sixty Seconds”, “X-Men: The Last Stand”, “The Condemned” and “Midnight Meat Train”.  He also gave an awesome parody of himself on the brilliant show “Extras”.

2. Jim Brown

Jim Brown rocked the NFL for nine years, breaking records on the Cleveland Browns.  After football he got into acting and his first major role was in The Dirty Dozen.  He’s near and dear to the KICK ASS Movie Podcast’s heart as Fireball in The Running Man.  He was also in the loved by some, hated by others, Mars Attacks!.  He’s also had a number of small roles here and there.

1. Carl Weathers

Carl Weathers is probably one of the rare cases where people have forgotten that he was an athlete.  He played football in college for San Diego, was in the CFL and played in the NFL on the Raiders for John Madden.  After this he has had a number of great roles, most notably his legendary portrayal of Apollo Creed in Rocky I-IV and of course Major Dillon in Predator with Arnold, which gives him one degree of sepeartion with Jim Brown.  He was also in Happy Gilmore as golfing legend Chubbs Peterson and was in a bunch of Arrested Development episodes as a cheapskate parody of himself.

Sometimes it’s hard having siblings but try to have a brother who is a major movie star.  Here are five who have been trying to get out of their brothers’ shadows.

5. Randy Quaid

Famous Sibling: Dennis Quaid

Randy Quaid is probably the most successful brother on this list.  However, I would say that little brother Dennis has had more starring roles while Randy has been a character actor and “that guy”.  His most famous role is probably Cousin Eddie from the Vacation movies but the joke was kinda run into the ground until the horror that was Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure.  The other role he’s known for is crazy pilot Russell Casse in Independence Day where he convincingly played a drunk who got abducted by aliens.

4. Frank Stallone

Famous Sibling: Sylvester Stallone

Frank Stallone gets credit for trying to go in a different direction than his brother Sly.  Instead of acting Frank has been more interested in music.  However, the only songs I know of that he’s done are from Sly movies like “In This Country” from Over the Top and “Peace in our Life” from Rambo 2.  He also did most of the  soundtrack for Sly’s directing gig of Staying Alive.  Frank has done a number of small acting roles in TV and movies but he will always be a power ballad master at heart.

3. Clint Howard

Famous Sibling: Ron Howard

Clint Howard, like Randy Quaid above, has carved out a place as a “that guy”.  Clint has become the go to “crazy looking guy”.  However, he hasn’t had a really big role like a “Cousin Eddie” or anything, he’s had a bunch of smaller roles in TV and movies.  Compound this with the fact that his brother Ron has had sucessful acting and directing careers and Clint is in a little bit of a shadow.

2. William, Stephen and Daniel Baldwin

Famous Sibling: Alec Baldwin

There isn’t a bigger discrepancy (besides our number one) between the careers of Alec Baldwin and his brothers.  While he’s been nominated for Oscars and won Emmy’s his brothers have been in Sci Fi original movies and reality shows.  Billy Baldwin was in, the admittedly awesome, Backdraft but then had a number of smaller tv and movie roles.  I will give him credit for making fun of David Caruso in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  Stephen Baldwin has become the master of the Sci Fi Original movie appearing in such classics as Harpies, Dark Storm, Earthstorm and The Snake King.  He’s was also in The Usual Suspects but that got negated by his role in Viva Rock Vegas.  As far as I can tell Daniel Baldwin just sort of hangs out until he needs to lose weight or get clean and then goes on a reality show.

1. Joe Estevez

Famous Sibling: Martin Sheen

Martin Sheen, beloved star of the West Wing and successful movie actor.  Brother Joe Estevez, has appeared on MST3K twice; in Werewolf he plays a worker for an archaeological dig who vanishes 2/3 into the movie with no explanation and in Soultaker as the angel of death who gets defeated by the poor man’s John Stamos and Kevin Bacon.  Looking through his IMDB page is the ultimate “wtf” experience.  He’s been in movies called Zombie Farm, Death Bed, Killa Zombies, San Franpsycho, Zombigeddon and Max Hell comes to Frogtown.  What any of those movies are is anybody’s guess, well except Death Bed which was the basis for a great Patton Oswalt comedy bit.  Joe Estevez is even less successful than his nephews Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen.

]]> http://www.everythingaction.com/2008/12/04/top-5-less-successful-brothers/feed/ 0 http://www.everythingaction.com/2008/11/27/top-5-evil-computers/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=top-5-evil-computers http://www.everythingaction.com/2008/11/27/top-5-evil-computers/#comments Thu, 27 Nov 2008 17:12:33 +0000 Zach http://www.kickassmoviepodcast.com/?p=543

In honor of this week’s look into WarGames we take a look at five of the most evil computers to ever send packets and open up sockets.

5. V.I.K.I (I, Robot)

VIKI was designed by Dr. Alfred Lanning to help run the US Robotics manufacturing plants and other functions.  Like all the robots, she is programmed with the Three Laws of Robotics but she decides that the only way to enforce them is to take over the world and rule humanity for their own good.  Fortunately for us humans, Will Smith says, “aw hells naw” and injects her brain with nanites which erases her programming.  Humanity then decides to take a break from robots for a while.

4. Auto (Wall-E)

Auto is the auto pilot for the space cruiser Axiom.  Originally meant to escape Earth’s garbage pile up for a few months, the Axiom has been is space for years and the humans have turned so fat they need scooters to carry them around everywhere.  Auto recieved a communication from Fred Willard, (the president of the Buy N Large chain of stores) that Earth will never be habitable again.  He’s proven wrong by the adorable duo of Wall-E and EVE when they bring a plant that grew on Earth.  Auto tries to take over the ship but an army of renegade robots and the Captain manage to shut him down and his band of douchebag security bots down.

3. MCP (Tron)

Originally designed as a chess program the Master Control Program rapidly grew and increased it’s intelligence, eventually controlling all aspects of the computer company ENCOM’s systems.  Using a number of evil programs it began enslaving the programs of ENCOM into doing it’s bidding and if they didn’t; make them fight in gladiatoresque battles of frisbee and jai alai.  The MCP begins expanding it’s empire into other companies and even tries to infiltrate the Penatagon.  It decides that it can run things “900-1200 better than any human”.  It’s one mistake though was digitizing The Dude himself, Jeff Bridges, into the mainframe.  Along with the titular Tron, a program designed to fight the MCP, Jeff Bridges manages to blow up the MCP and free the digital world.

2. HAL 9000 (2001: A Space Odyssey)

If you downloaded Hannibal Lecter into a computer the result would be HAL 9000.  HAL is the computer of the spaceship Discovery and is tasked with waking it’s astronauts from cryosleep and performing most of the important tasks on the ship.  HAL tells Dave and Frank, the two astronauts, that their antennae is going to fail in 72 hours.  They check it out and it appears fine so they think that HAL might have a problem and they might have to shut him down.  HAL doesn’t respond to this very well however and kills the three scientists who are still hibernating.  He also sets Frank adrift after HAL suggested they replace the part of the antennae that was supposed to fail and just wait and see what happens.  Dave goes after Frank but loses him and when he tries to get back into the ship, HAL won’t let him in.  Dave gets into an airlock and manages to rip out all of HAL’s modules that control memory and his other functions.

1. Skynet (Terminator series)

Like you didn’t see this coming?  Skynet is without a doubt the most evil computer ever since it killed billions of people on August 29, 1997 or Judgement Day.  With it’s army of terminators, tanks and other death machines it tried to wipe out the remaining human resistance in an awesome future war.  Unfortunately for Skynet the humans were led by John Connor, who next year will be played by the goddamned Batman himself Cristian Bale.  Skynet decided the only way to stop Connor was to send a terminator back in time to kill, first his mother and then him, and then him again.  Skynet really needs WOPR’s tic tac toe program.  Skynet was never really defeated, despite the combined power of Arnold and Linda “she kill me with her pinky” Hamilton.  After T2 the Army actually developed Skynet and switched it on a few years later, so Judgement Day was delayed.  We’re going to have to see if Cristian Bale can defeat it once and for all next year.

]]> http://www.everythingaction.com/2008/11/27/top-5-evil-computers/feed/ 0 http://www.everythingaction.com/2008/11/20/top-5-revenge-takers/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=top-5-revenge-takers http://www.everythingaction.com/2008/11/20/top-5-revenge-takers/#comments Thu, 20 Nov 2008 04:00:45 +0000 Zach http://www.kickassmoviepodcast.com/?p=528

“Ah, there’s nothing like revenge for getting back at people.”

“I don’t know. Vengeance is pretty sweet.”

-Lenny and Carl from The Simpsons

5.  The Count of Monte Cristo

Body Count: 2

Edmund Dantes (played by Jim Caviezel)  was a normal sailor with a beautiful fiancee and a promising career as a sailor but jealousy took hold of his friends and he is wrongfully imprisoned in the horrible Chateau d’if prison.  With the help of Dumble- I mean Abbe Faria, he learns about history, math, science and how to take revenge on those who wronged him.  He escapes Chateu d’if in Abbe’s body bag and makes to the island of Monte Cristo where he finds mad bling.  He returns to France and begins destroying all his old friends’ lives.  He eventually ends up in a swordfight to the death with the mastermind of the betrayal, Mondego.  Edmund wins, gets the girl back and finds out he has a son.  A little different than the book but in either form Edmund is the master of psychological and social revenge.

4.  Sweeney Todd

Body Count: 10

Sweeney Todd was a normal barber with a beautiful wife and daughter.  But he was wrongfully imprisoned by the evil Judge Turpin (Alan Rickman, who is easily one of the top 5 best villain actors).  Although kinda similar to Edmund Dantes, Sweeney Todd takes a slightly different approach.  He starts murdering everyone who comes to get a haircut (with some of the prettiest blood fountains in movie history) and they get baked into pies by his accomplice Mrs. Lovett.   However it doesn’t work out very well for him because in his rage he accidently murders his now crazy wife, whom he thought was a beggar.  He eventually throws his Mrs. Lovett into the oven because she lied about his wife and lets her assistant Toby kill him to avenge Mrs. Lovett. What goes around comes around I guess.

3. The Bride

Body Count: 77

The Bride was just your normal bride but she was “murdered” on her wedding day.  She vowed to get revenge on her former team of assassins.  She goes on a blood soaked rampage through such crazy characters as the Crazy 88′s and their leader O-Ren Ishii, the one eyed Elle and finally the titular Bill.  She uses a secret technique called the “Five Point Palm Exploding Technique”.  The Bride proves the old adage that “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

2. Maximus Decimus Meridius

Body Count: 26

Maximus was your normal Roman general who lead Rome to victory against a horde of barbarians.  Emperor Aurelius wants Maximus to lead after he dies but his douchey, incestuous son Commodus can’t have that.  He kills his father and frames Maximus.  Maximus escapes but finds his wife and son murdered.  He is eventually captured and turned into a slave.  He is trained as a gladiator and after entertaining the backwater burb of Zucchabar, he gets taken to the Colessium in Rome.  He reveals himself to the Emperor and casually takes out everything Commodus throws at him, usually with a decapitation.  Commodus eventually decides it would be a good idea to fight Maximus himself and tries to guarantee victory by poisoning him.  Even Maximus at half strength is enough to handily kill Commodus but Maximus dies as well.  At least he can be proud in the fact that they leave Commodus in the dirt and carry his body out.

1. The Punisher

Frank Castle was your normal retired soldier who was enjoying a picnic in Central Park with his family when they were killed by the Mafia after witnessing an execution.  Frank then became the Punisher and proceeded to kill anyone who broke the law (including about half the Mafia first) in the most brutal ways possible.  In a “What If…” story he even killed the entire Marvel universe villains and heroes.  He also get bonus points for trying to kill Archie.  The Punisher doesn’t really give a shit who he kills as long he thinks they deserve it and that attitude is why he is the ultimate revenge taker.