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TP: Adrenaline Overload!

By Zach

Trailer Park

Hey everybody, hope you all survived Friday the 13th without any bad luck or hockey mask wearing hooligans trying to kill you. Anyway, a bunch of new trailers are out this week, including two from Jason “I will beat myself in over the topness” Statham. Let’s get it on!

Transporter 3

Zach: I don’t know how they are going to be able to go over the bar set by Transporter 2 what with it’s ridiculous action and middle finger to Issac Newton. I wonder how they will be able to top the “bomb getting knocked off the car by a crane” scene? Most important though, can Jason Statham beat himself in Crank 2: High Voltage? I think Crank already has the advantage being that the plot is about Jason shocking himself to stay alive. I don’t even want to know how many Red Bulls you have to drink to come up with something like that.

Brian: This and Crank 2 will cement Jason Statham as one of the most ridiculous and over-the-top action stars. Trailer for this seems to be a little bit of a re-hash, but I will most likely see the movie anyway.

Death Race

Zach: Another Statham movie, Death Race. Based on the 70’s cult classic which was one of Slyvester Stallone’s first movies and was about a race, OF DEATH!!!! This new one looks to be basically Twisted Metal: the movie or maybe The Fast and Furious: Beyond Thunderdome, which is appropriate as it’s coming from Paul W.S. Anderson who brought us Mortal Kombat and Alien Vs. Predator. It’s written by J.F. Lawton who wrote Under Siege so that’s a plus. My favorite part of the trailer has to be when Jason arrives in jail and the one guy says that he used to race for NASCAR and killed his wife. It’s also got Joan Allen as evil bitch who runs the death race, Ian McShane as Statham’s mechanic/weapons man and Tyrese Gibbons as the rival driver, thus completing the Fast and Furious circle of life.

Brian: “The Running Man” meets “Con Air” meets “Burnout” meets “The Transporter”. Phew. Don’t know if there’s anything in this trailer that makes me want to see this film. Looks to be a decent car racing action thriller.

Punisher: War Zone

Zach: Marvel tries to continue it’s campaign of movie dominance this year with Punisher: War Zone on December 5. I am not impressed at all with this trailer. When all I can think about is Ice T flying in by a wire and shooting machine guns upside down in 3000 Miles to Graceland (it’s near the middle somewhere) you know you have some problems. (nothing against Ice T BTW) Also, instead of Thomas “Homeless Dad” Jane you have some dude named Ray Stevenson who hasn’t been in jack squat. I’ve always liked the Punisher comics but they just can’t seem to make a good movie.

Brian: Last Punisher movie pretty much sucked and this movie looks more like a video game. Some unknown dude in the title role. Meh. I could care less. This series needs a reimagining ala “Batman Begins”… maybe Clive Owen in the lead role? Stuff like this just seems like recycled garbage.

Babylon A.D.

Zach: Vin Diesel is back from kid movie hell with Babylon A.D. and hopefully it’s more Pitch Black than XXX. It kinda seems like a retarded Blade Runner with a dystopic future and all that other crap and Vin is taking some girl to America and hijinks, by which I mean shooting and explosions, ensue. I don’t know, I’m kind of ambivalent about it, it doesn’t look bad but I probably will wait for it to come out on video before I see it.

Brian: I still think Vin Diesel is a terrible actor. This movie does little to sway my opinion. Major turnoff with the recycled “Requiem for a Dream” music. Some cool CGI scenes, but nothing really worth nothing here. Probably a rent/download.

So that’s it for this week, stay tuned all summer for more trailers and assorted wackiness and also July 4th for our special summer episode featuring the blockbuster that is ID4.

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