Another Friday the 13th and it seems to be bad luck for new movies. The Rock is possibly destroying his career, an absolutely atrocious looking comedy and yet another horror remake are on tap for this weekend. Personally, I’d see Watchmen but let’s see what the critics have to say.
Race to Witch Mountain
Starring: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Anna Sophia Robb, Carla Gugino, Ciaran Hinds
Directed by: Andy Fickman
Plot: A taxi driver picks up two kids with supernatural powers who need to get to the mysterious Witch Moutain to stop an alien invasion.
Rotten Tomatoes Freshness: 45%
Critic Consensus: “Despite the best efforts of a talented cast, Race to Witch Mountain is a tepid reboot that lacks the magic of the original.”
Last House on the Left
Starring: Tony Goldwyn, Monica Potter, Sara Paxton
Directed by: Dennis Iliadis
Plot: A girl is kidnapped by a group of escaped convicts, shot, and left for dead. She makes it back home but her attackers arrive as well. The parents then attempt to exact brutal revenge.
RT Freshness: 42%
Critic Consensus: “Excessive and gory, this remake lacks the intellectual punch of the 1972 original.”
Starring: Zach Cregger, Trevor Moore, Raquel Alessi
Directed by: Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore
Plot: A guy wakes up from a four year coma to discover that the girl he was going to lose his virginity to is now the March centerfold for Playboy.
RT Freshness: 0%
New York Daily News: “When it comes time to wheel Hefner out for his cameo, even he seems irritated by these guys.”
Zach: John Cena is back and this time instead of a Marine he’s a cop. After a bust accidently gets a female suspect killed the killer comes back three years later looking for revenge. He challenges Cena to get through 12 rounds of challenges while threatening him and his wife/girlfriend. The thing about this trailer is that the entire movie is basically played out within it. If it’s half as ridiculous as The Marine then it might be worth checking out or if not Crank 2 is out pretty soon.
Brian: I highly doubt this’ll follow in the footsteps of “The Marine”. One reason: no Robert Patrick. That aside, it looks another generic predictable action thriller with a slim chance of being ridiculous ala “The Marine”. Other than that, no real hope for anything good. As my roommate asked, “how many movies until John Cena is nominated for a Razzie?” I feel like it’s one.
I’m like the J. Jonah Jameson of Everything Action, writing and editing and constantly demanding pictures of Spider-Man.