The “jester of Tortuga”, Captain Jack Sparrow, drunkenly stumbles his way into the ranks of the Action Hero of the Week.

This week on the Everything Actioncast: Zach, Chris and Joe discuss the finer points of the Fast and Furious franchise, the atrocities that are the 70’s Captain America movies, the mechanics of Timecrime’s time travel, Looper, Sabrina the Teenage Witch and much more.

This week, Michael Bay caused a nerd firestorm when he said the new movie Ninja Turtles will be aliens, John Carter will result in a massive loss for Disney and much more in the News Shotgun.

This week on the Everything Actioncast, Zach, Chris and Joe talk about their experience commentating on The Punisher, terrible real life superheroes, the must watch nature of The Rock, Steele Justice (and it’s amazing theme song), Michael Bay’s blasphemous TMNT statements, the history of WWE films, Battle Royale and much more.

Bombing at the box office this weekend, John Carter isn’t a terrible movie. It has some great special effects and action but the plot and attempts to explain hundreds of pages of mythology bogs it down considerably.

The question of how terrible John Carter was going to perform has been answered and the answer is: pretty damn terrible.

This weekend Disney’s huge gamble on John Carter will either pay off or fail spectacularly and there’s two other new movies out as well.

Hopefully able to break Tim Burton out of the rut he’s currently dug himself into, Frankenweenie is his latest stop motion animated movie and parodies Frankenstein as young scientist, Victor, brings his dog, Sparky, back to life.