Tag Archives: king hyperion

The 6th Annual Kick Ass Awards

It’s that time again as Everything Action honors the best and worst from the past year of movies and unlike a certain other set of movie awards *cough* Oscars *cough*, we honor movies you have actually seen and care about.  What will be the Kick Ass Movie of the Year and who will win the coveted Ass Kicker of the Year award?  Read on to find out.

Most Criminal Use of a Mad Man Cast Member: Sucker Punch

It take a lot of effort to make Jon Hamm look schlubby

Best Use of Magic Hats: The Adjustment Bureau

Best Cameo: Wolverine in X-Men: First Class

Most Disgusting Characters in a Kids Movie: Rango

Most Unnecessary Use of 3D: Dolphin Tale

Now imagine that dolphin behind glass...IN 3D!!!!

 Best PSA for Drug Use: Limitless

Best Alien Invasion: Battle: Los Angeles

Most Reverent of Nerd Culture: Paul

Best Score: The Chemical Brothers’ Hanna Score

Best Soundtrack: Drive

Most Weirdly Ambitious Stoner Movie: Your Highness

At Least You Have Italy Award: Dylan Dog: Dead of Night

Dylan Dog is to Italy what David Hasselhoff is to Germany

Best Marvel Movie: Captain America: The First Avenger

Best Fight Scene: The Rock vs Vin Diesel in Fast Five

Best Fucking R Rated Comedy: Horrible Bosses

Franchise that Should Probably End: Pirates of the Caribbean

Best Horrible Endangerment of Children: Super 8

Seriously, How are those kids still alive?

Best and Most Creative Jake Gyllenhaal Deaths: Source Code

Most Bloodthirsty Childhood Hero: Optimus Prime

Optimus played a lot of Mortal Kombat before the film started shooting

Best Revisionist Moon History: Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Sorry Apollo 18, giant alien spaceship are cooler than living moon rocks

Best Supporting Muppet: 80’s Robot

Dumbest Reason for an Alien Invasion: Gold in Cowboys & Aliens

Worst Franchise Reboot: Conan the Barbarian

Most Glaring Continuity Error: A USB thumb drive turning into a 3.5 inch floppy in Colombiana

Most Inaccurate Title: Abduction

Best Mustaches: Killer Elite

Most Likely to Create Germaphobes: Contagion

Most Unnecessary Prequel: The Thing

Concept that Probably Deserves a Better Movie: Time as Currency in In Time

Drunkest Warlord: King Hyperion in Immortals

Only a guy who is completely wasted would wear a helmet like that

Awesomest Stunt: The Burj Khalifa Climb in Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol

Person Most Likely to be Killed Without His Dog: TinTin

Who Finds the Found Footage? Award: Paranormal Activity 3

Creepiest Neighbor: Colin Farrell as Jerry in Fright Night

Hey guy

If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It Award: Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

Most Surprisingly Threatening: Ryan Gosling in Drive

Worst Scientific Breakthrough: James Franco’s Alzheimer’s Cure in Rise of the Planet of the Apes

It caused the Ape uprising and killed the entire human population

Lincoln Hawks Memorial Over the Top Award: Drive Angry 3D

Direct to DVD Award Powered by Steven Seagal Lightning Energy: Assassination Games

Jason Statham Award for Excellence in Stathaming: The Mechanic

Ass Kicker of the Year: Magneto (Michael Fassbender) in X-Men: First Class

Kick Ass Movie of the Year: Captain America: The First Avenger

Review: Immortals

Billing itself as from “the producers of 300” and, from the trailers, seemingly sharing that movie’s stylish, slow motion heavy take on the sword and sandals genre is Immortals, the latest from Tarsem Singh of The Cell and The Fall fame.  While not quite at the level of 300, it still has some amazing visuals and spectacularly gory action, even if the plot meanders and bogs down at times.

Future Superman, Henry Cavill plays Theseus, a poor peasant from a cliffside village who, unbeknownst to him, has been guided by a disguised Zeus to combat the evil of King Hyperion, a warlord who wishes to use the fabled Epirus Bow to free the powerful Titans from their prison in Mt. Tartarus.  On his journey Theseus allies himself with the beautiful oracle Phaedra and wise cracking theif Stavros.  The plot is not the strongest aspect of the movie by any means, as the characters just sort of meander from place to place until they finally get the location for the final battle.

Although it’s not quite as insane as his previous movies, Immortals does feature plenty of stylish flourishes from Tarsem.  The costumes, especially for the gods, are all unique and, while maybe not practical, are interesting to look at.  Hyperion and his legions all wear some sinister, Leatherface looking masks and Hyperion also has a number of lieutenants who sport armor specific to their jobs like the hulking brute The Beast, who wears a helmet shaped like a bull made of barb wire or the falconer who has armor with metal, feather accents.  All the locations are gorgeous to look at as well from cliffs of Theseus’ village to the Mordor looking base camp Hyperion sets up at a captured monastery.  Where Tarsem’s directing really shines though is in the fight scenes, specifically the ones involving the gods.  These fights, which there are unfortunately only two of, almost one ups some of 300’s fight scenes by showing the power of the gods as they absolutely decimate their opponents and moving so fast that they are able to take out 3 or 4 enemies before they have time to react.  It’s done with this incredibly cool looking effect where the gods are in normal motion but the enemies are moving in slow motion.  The fights where it’s human vs human are solid as well, just not as incredible as the god fights.  There’s also the briefest of teases of a war in heaven, you’ve probably seen it in the trailers, that is like a mural come to life.

Henry Cavill does a solid job as the classical Greek hero, although he’s definitely more along the lines of a Harry Hamlin from the original Clash of the Titans than, to compare it to 300 again, the insane, rage fueled likes of Gerard Butler’s Leonidas.  He does a great job with some of the fight scenes but other scenes fall a little flat, particular when he’s giving the obligatory pre-battle speech.  Mickey Rourke chews scenery as King Hyperion and seems like he arrived on set every day after drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels.  The movie does a good job of getting you to hate him as he’s constantly performing horrible acts like murdering women, cooking people alive in a giant metal bull and randomly killing his henchmen.  He doesn’t really have any motivation for why he’s so evil though beyond the briefest of mentions that his family died sometime in the past and he blames the gods for it.  John Hurt is great as usual and is the standard “respected actor giving gravitas” character for the movie.  Frieda Pinto, much like Rise of the Planet of the Apes earlier this year, doesn’t have much to do besides look pretty and she has her first nude scene as well so that’s always a plus.  Stephen Dorff is an extremely weird choice to play the comic relief but he does a decent job.  As for the gods, none of them are much of a presence besides Luke Evans as Zeus, who is kind of bi-polar in that he’s supporting Theseus but also refuses to get involved with humanity.

One thing I found interesting about Immortals is that it presents the gods as perfect, kind, golden beings who just want to help humanity (everyone but Zeus that is) and the Titans are horrible, dirty, beasts who seem to live only to brutally murder everyone.  The portrayal of the mythology aspects reminded me a lot of the original Clash of the Titans and other mythology centered movies of that time, as opposed to say, a current take like God of War, where the Greek gods are complete and utter assholes who must be murdered in the most brutal way possible.

Immortals is definitely one of the better swords and sandals epics to come out in recent years but it can’t live up to movie it was promoting as it’s predecessor, 300.  Tarsem’s direction gives the movie a great look and some amazing fight sequences but the plot drags and the performances are decent, but not great.  If you’re a fan of the genre, it’s definitely worth a matinee ticket or rental when it comes on Blu Ray.

3.5 out of 5

You can rent Immortals from Redbox here: http://www.redbox.com/movies/immortals

Immortals Trailer

From the producers of 300 and director Tarsem Singh comes what looks like a massive, sweeping sword and sandals epic in the vein of 300 and Clash of the Titans.  Future Superman, Henry Cavill, stars as mythic hero Theseus, who becomes the choice of both the gods and men to lead the resistance against the evil warlord King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke).  In typical Tarsem fashion, the movies looks visually gorgeous but I hope that it also has the visceral action of it’s predecessor, 300.  The movie is going to be in 3D and is coming out in November.  Check out the trailer below and turn the HD settings as high as your connection will allow.