Top 5: Revenge Takers

“Ah, there’s nothing like revenge for getting back at people.”

“I don’t know. Vengeance is pretty sweet.”

-Lenny and Carl from The Simpsons

5.  The Count of Monte Cristo

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Body Count: 2

Edmund Dantes (played by Jim Caviezel)  was a normal sailor with a beautiful fiancee and a promising career as a sailor but jealousy took hold of his friends and he is wrongfully imprisoned in the horrible Chateau d’if prison.  With the help of Dumble- I mean Abbe Faria, he learns about history, math, science and how to take revenge on those who wronged him.  He escapes Chateu d’if in Abbe’s body bag and makes to the island of Monte Cristo where he finds mad bling.  He returns to France and begins destroying all his old friends’ lives.  He eventually ends up in a swordfight to the death with the mastermind of the betrayal, Mondego.  Edmund wins, gets the girl back and finds out he has a son.  A little different than the book but in either form Edmund is the master of psychological and social revenge.

4.  Sweeney Todd

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Body Count: 10

Sweeney Todd was a normal barber with a beautiful wife and daughter.  But he was wrongfully imprisoned by the evil Judge Turpin (Alan Rickman, who is easily one of the top 5 best villain actors).  Although kinda similar to Edmund Dantes, Sweeney Todd takes a slightly different approach.  He starts murdering everyone who comes to get a haircut (with some of the prettiest blood fountains in movie history) and they get baked into pies by his accomplice Mrs. Lovett.   However it doesn’t work out very well for him because in his rage he accidently murders his now crazy wife, whom he thought was a beggar.  He eventually throws his Mrs. Lovett into the oven because she lied about his wife and lets her assistant Toby kill him to avenge Mrs. Lovett. What goes around comes around I guess.

3. The Bride

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Body Count: 77

The Bride was just your normal bride but she was “murdered” on her wedding day.  She vowed to get revenge on her former team of assassins.  She goes on a blood soaked rampage through such crazy characters as the Crazy 88’s and their leader O-Ren Ishii, the one eyed Elle and finally the titular Bill.  She uses a secret technique called the “Five Point Palm Exploding Technique”.  The Bride proves the old adage that “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

2. Maximus Decimus Meridius

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Body Count: 26

Maximus was your normal Roman general who lead Rome to victory against a horde of barbarians.  Emperor Aurelius wants Maximus to lead after he dies but his douchey, incestuous son Commodus can’t have that.  He kills his father and frames Maximus.  Maximus escapes but finds his wife and son murdered.  He is eventually captured and turned into a slave.  He is trained as a gladiator and after entertaining the backwater burb of Zucchabar, he gets taken to the Colessium in Rome.  He reveals himself to the Emperor and casually takes out everything Commodus throws at him, usually with a decapitation.  Commodus eventually decides it would be a good idea to fight Maximus himself and tries to guarantee victory by poisoning him.  Even Maximus at half strength is enough to handily kill Commodus but Maximus dies as well.  At least he can be proud in the fact that they leave Commodus in the dirt and carry his body out.

1. The Punisher

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Frank Castle was your normal retired soldier who was enjoying a picnic in Central Park with his family when they were killed by the Mafia after witnessing an execution.  Frank then became the Punisher and proceeded to kill anyone who broke the law (including about half the Mafia first) in the most brutal ways possible.  In a “What If…” story he even killed the entire Marvel universe villains and heroes.  He also get bonus points for trying to kill Archie.  The Punisher doesn’t really give a shit who he kills as long he thinks they deserve it and that attitude is why he is the ultimate revenge taker.


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