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For ISIS Eyes Only: Palace Intrigue Parts I and II


All sorts of hi-jinks occur when the ISIS gang heads to South America to try and sell their new cache of guns to Presidente Gustavo Calderon (Fred Armisen) but get more than they bargained for from him and his slutty, insane wife Juliana (Lauren Cohan).

After getting trading the guns for coke and stumbling into a CIA operation, Mallory drags the entire crew, sans Pam and Cherlene to South America but, of course, Pam and Cherlene stowaway in one of the gun crates.  It turns out that President Calderon is somehow a gigantic Cherlene fan and is super excited that her album has gone platinum in only a few days.  The group stays at Calderon’s palace while the deal is hashed out which results in everyone wondering where all hotel amenities are (like the ice machine), Archer failing at his vow to give up anonymous sex and Kreiger uncovering a trio of clones of himself:


Meeting up with Mallory and Calderon, Archer is horrified that the random maid he had sex with was Juliana, Calderon’s wife.  Things come to a head at dinner that night when the rebels shell the compound.


The attack doesn’t last long but in the aftermath, Archer shoots Cyril to avoid Juliana revealing that they had sex again during the shelling while Cherlene learns that Gustavo bought all of her albums because he is insanely obsessed with her.  Kreiger meanwhile, captured by the clones, doesn’t really learn anything about where they came from or what they are doing outside of the fact they all have some vaguely Citizen Kaneesque memory of snow and they made some sort of frog child.


With the rebel attack and Gustavo’s craziness, Mallory relents to the group leaving, tasking Cyril (who was wearing a bulletproof vest, so he’s fine) with finding an appropriate vehicle to escape in.  The rest of the gang packs up and are about to leave but Gustavo stops them and reveals he wants to divorce Juliana and marry Cherlene and then immediately does just that, because he’s also chief justice of the Supreme Court. This drives Juliana into a rage and she tries to kill Archer, but Pam takes the bullet while wearing Cyril’s bulletproof vest and then Cherlene and Juliana get into an old fashioned, Outlaw Country style catfight.


Gustavo’s troops arrive and reveal the rebels are heading for the palace but it seems like they are already there when a tank bursts through the front wall of the palace, but it turns out it’s Cyril, whose vehicle choice is still not satisfactory to Mallory.

  •  Obscure Pop Culture Reference of the Week: Archer is not a fan of The Thomas Crown Affair or Steve McQueen, yet he moans Steve McQueen’s name in his sleep.
  • Archer has figured out who everyone from ISIS is in relationship to the Breakfast Club.  He’s Emilio Estevez, Mallory is Paul Gleason, Cyril is Anthony Michael Hall, Kreiger is Judd Nelson, Cherlene is Molly Ringwald, Lana is Ally Sheedy and Pam is the creepy janitor who turns out to be cool.
  • We need a Kreiger and the Clone spin off show:


  • Cherlene brought back “Phrasing” with a vengeance:


  • Gustavo has an encyclopedic knowledge American laws and presidents
  • “She said, suddenly maternal” “I know, right?”
  • Gustavo’s thinly veiled excuse for buying all of Cherlene’s albums is he wants to distribute them to his people, despite the fact they have no way of listening to them.
  • There was a great running joke about everyone weirdly slapping each other:


(All gifs from the wonderful Uproxx.com)

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