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Real Men of Action: Ash Williams

By Zach


Real Men of Action

  • Name: Ashley J. “Ash” Williams
  • Occupation: Sales Clerk in S-Mart housewares section
  • Family: Cheryl Williams (Sister, Deceased)
  • Allies: Lord Arthur and his kingdom, Sheila, friends Scotty, Shelly and Annie
  • Enemies: Deadites, Bad Ash, Mysterious Evil Force
  • Weapon(s) of Choice: Chainsaw, “Boomstick” (double barreled 12 gauge shotgun)
  • Body Count: 42
  • Catchphrase: “Hail to the King, Baby!”

Ash Williams probably wished he had stayed in the housewares department of S-Mart after spending two horrible nights in an evil cabin and time traveling back to the 1300’s.  Ash and his friends went out to an old cabin in the woods for a vacation but discover the cabin was actually the home of an archaeologist who discovered the Necromonicon or the Book of the Dead.  Playing a tape recording they find, the group unwittingly releases an evil spirit from the book and one by one they are possessed and have to be dispatched by the others.  Ash is the lone survivor and attempts to escape into the woods but is possessed by the spirit.

Thankfully for Ash, dawn comes and the spirit retreats.  Ash flees to his car and tries to escape, but the bridge back to civilization was destroyed by the evil force.  The sun starts setting again and the evil force starts coming up a nearby cliff.  Ash gets back into his car and flees into the woods but hits a tree stump and gets thrown out the windshield.  He finds that he’s back at the cabin and gets inside to hide from the demonic force.  His girlfriend Linda, who Ash had to kill with a shovel, comes back to life thanks to the force and bites Ash on the hand.  Ash kills her with a chainsaw and then cuts off his hand to keep it from possessing the rest of his body and then replaces his hand with the chainsaw.  Ash meets up with a new group of allies, led by the cabin owner’s daughter Annie, who has more pages of the Necromonicon.  The group is eventually wittled down by the demonic force again and only Ash and Annie are left.  They use the new pages of the Necromonicon to open a portal in the cabin to get rid of the evil once and for all.  Annie is stabbed in the back by Ash’s severed hand and Ash, his car and a more are pulled into the mysterious portal.

Ash arrives sometime in the 1300’s and surrounded by knights.  A winged demon appears in the sky and Ash blows it’s head off with his shotgun.  The knights are suspicious of Ash and believe that he is an agent of Duke Henry.  The knights bring him to the castle of Lord Arthur, along with the captured Duke Henry, who condemns Ash to a pit containing a Deadite.  Ash manages to fight it off with his chainsaw, tossed down to him by Lord Arthur’s Wiseman.  The wiseman reveals that he thinks Ash is the chosen one who will finally stop the Deadite threat.  Ash demands that Duke Henry be freed and he’s then tasked with finding the Necromonicon and bringing it back to the castle so they can stop the Deadites and also send Ash back to his own time.  Along the way to the graveyard containing the book, Ash stops for the night in an abandoned windmill and is attacked by miniature, evil versions of himself.  He’s overpowered and one eventually makes it’s way inside of him and then turns into a full size, evil version of himself.  After a brief scuffle, Good Ash blasts Evil Ash in the face and buries him.

Ash then finally makes it to the Necromonicon but can’t remember the last of three words he needs to say to pick it up safely.  He fakes it and heads back to the castle but an army of Deadites rises out of the ground because of his trickery, led by the unearthed and decaying Evil Ash.  Ash trains Lord Arthur’s men and turns his car into a whirling blade death machine.  However, Ash’s possible love interest, Sheila, is kidnapped by a flying Deadite and transformed into one herself.  Evil Sheila, Evil Ash and the Deadite army begins to seige the castle and a massive battle takes place.  Duke Henry arrives just in time to fight off the Deadites and Ash defeats his evil version and saves Sheila.  Lord Arthur’s Wiseman makes a potion from the Necromonicon and drinking it causes Ash to arrive back in his own time.  He heads back to work at S-Mart, where he has to deal with a final Deadite threat.  Ash deals with it easily because after all, he is the king.

See Ash in Action:


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