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The Kick Ass Awards 2009

It’s the end of 2009 and that means it’s time for our annual awards for excellence (and not so excellence) in movies.

Best Reboot (also Most Lens Flare)

Star Trek

Best Action Sequence in an Otherwise Boring Movie


The Guggenheim Shootout from The International

Best Opening Credits


“The Wicker Man” Acting Award

Chris Klein in The Legend of Chun Li

Best Couple

Paul Rudd and Jason Segel in I Love You, Man

The “Nicolas Cage actually had an OK movie this year?” Award


The “Trying really hard to be Die Hard with a Vengeance” Award

12 Rounds

Best Middle Finger to Physics

Fast & Furious 4: Land Train
Fast & Furious 4: Land Train

Vin Diesel slides a car under a rolling and exploding fuel tanker

The Lincoln Hawk Memorial Over the Top Award

Crank 2: High Voltage

Best Potential Franchise Killer

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Best Cameo

CGI Arnold in Terminator Salvation

Best References to The Rock

Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian

The “I’m not crying, there’s something in my eye” Award


The “What Happens in Vegas” Award

The Hangover

Best use of Computer Processing Power

Devastator’s Testicles in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

The “Never watch this Movie with Your Parents” Award


The “Shown up by Webisodes” Award

One episode of GI Joe: Resolute was better than the entirety of Rise of Cobra

Best Weapons and Splatter Effects

District 9

Worst Hair

Bruce Willis’ Surrogate in Surrogates

Funnest Apocalypse


Best Movie Marketed to Children that Wasn’t for Children

Disney’s A Christmas Carol (The first shot of the movie is a corpse)

World’s Greatest Limo Driver

John Cusack as Jackson Curtis in 2012

Most Eye Bulgingly Gorgeous


Most Creative Kill

Dolph Lundgren kills a man with the power of Rock in Command Performance

Best Steven Seagal Vehicle

Steven Seagal: Lawman

Best Recovery

24 Season 7

Ass Kicker of the Year

Liam Neeson in Taken

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