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Commando Getting a Remake, WTF!?

Posted on April 30, 2010 by

If you’ve been with us for any amount of time you know that the movie Commando has pretty much been our Bible.  It’s the reason Brian and I started the Kick Ass Movie Podcast which morphed into the site you’re reading now.  I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve seen it, it’s gotta be at least 20.  Which is why it’s terrifying to hear that Fox has been planning a remake for a while now and has recently cemented the writer/director.  Training Day writer David Ayer is the man they’ve gotten for the job; Ayer also directed Harsh Times and Street Kings.  He wants to do a more realistic take on the story, with the main character being less brawny and more adapt at covert ops.  That couldn’t be farther from what Commando is.  Commando is John Matrix carrying a fucking entire tree through the woods, tearing a phone booth out of the ground and throwing it over his head, dropping guys off cliffs and using the arsenal of a small country to kill 80+ faceless goons.  There is no way that you can call something Commando and capture the magic of the original, especially without Arnold’s amazing one liners and slow turns.  I’m normally neutral about all these remakes but Commando is a sacred cow, you mess with it and things are going to get ugly.  OK, Rant over, at least until the next episode of the Everything Actioncast (teaser!)

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One thought on “Commando Getting a Remake, WTF!?

  1. I could not agree with you more!
    Why fix what is so obviously not broken?
    What is frustrating is that people don’t accept the right amount of “cheese” in the action movie genre. We are supposed to accept that in chick flicks, there is some rediclous turn of events, prying the main characters apart, which somehow works itself out just in time for the ever romantic final kiss, and acceptance that everything is dandy. *sigh* romance … *vomit*
    But when it comes to action, directors are slowly trying to lean toward “realism” thus killing all that the genre provides. I know that it’s lame when James Bond fixes his tie whilst underwater… I know that it’s lame when Clive Owen flicks a switch which somehow sets off a domino effect that kills 50 bad guys, I know that it’s lame when Rambo rises slowly from the water in full war paint…that’s not the point. It’s SUPPOSED to be lame. That’s what makes it great.
    The more we lean on realism in action movies, the more we kill them. Case and point: Batman Begins. (I know, I know, no one agrees with me). The point is, the more realistic you make something like that, the more rediculous it is. We are now staring straight in the face of a man who spends his spare time in a rubber suit with nipples, beating up bad guys in hockey equipment. Gimme a break.
    Don’t make Commando realistic… that’s like making the WWE realistic, it’s just not making it better!
    … and now I’ve run out of ink

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